


Bittersweet

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Divergence, Cuddling & Snuggling & all sorts of fluff, Destiel - Freeform, Eventual Smut, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Long Distance Relationship, M/M, Oops, Slow Build, Slow Romance, Smut, maybe i snuck in some sabriel in here somewhere
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-17
Updated: 2013-12-13
Packaged: 2018-01-01 22:05:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 28,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1049108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Cas unknowingly start a long-distance relationship.</p><p>(There isn't much of a plot, really, I just wrote myself an imaginary season 9 because of reasons. So this is just written for fun, I guess.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> nothing too graphic but rated mature for smut anyway  
> *shrug*  
> please let me know what you think so i can be motivated to write more, eek:))
> 
> i don't know if people want a warning about this or not, but there is a whole chapter when dean and cas aren't in it at all. (i decided to sneak it some sam and gabriel because apparently now i ship it)
> 
> ALSO, Kevin, Gabriel, Charlie, Ezekiel and Nora only appear very briefly.

The first time Dean visited Cas in Idaho was the time they hunted Ephraim down, and stopped him, together. After rushing to save Cas, and helping him kill Ephraim, and helping him babysit Nora’s daughter, Dean had asked Cas, “Where to?”, and Cas had asked Dean to drop him off at his job.

“It’s the middle of the night, you don’t have to be at work till morning,” Dean had said.

“I don’t have any other place to stay, Dean,”

Dean had winced at that. He’d felt like someone had stabbed him right in the heart, and he hadn’t even protested; he felt that he deserved to be stabbed in the heart, for what he’d done to Cas.

“Tonight you do,” he’d replied, and without a second thought, he’d driven to the nearest motel and booked a room for two for the night.

Castiel hadn’t protested. He hadn’t felt like he should be accepting Dean’s help, as he was still hurt and quite frankly a little mad at him for having thrown him out of the bunker. But it hadn’t been fun, having to sleep in a crappy sleeping bag on a cold floor at Gas ‘n Sip, so he accepted Dean’s offer, even if it made him feel like he’d lost a silent fight with Dean. Cas wanted Dean to know just how much he’d hurt him.

But Dean knew. And it killed him inside, every day that passed; the only thing that would make him feel better, it seemed, would be able to ask Cas to come back to the bunker.

“Well, this doesn’t look half-bad,” Dean muttered, mostly to himself, as he opened the door of the motel room and walked in. “Looks alright, huh? Better than the storage room I’m guessing,”

Cas nodded, a small frown fixed on his brow. He hesitated for a moment before walking slowly to one of the beds and sitting down on it.

There seemed to be a strange atmosphere between them, that hadn’t been there during the day, when they’d been hunting together. Cas noticed that Dean was more silent now. Dean noticed the same thing about Cas. A silence had now fallen between them.

Dean muttered something about a shower, and grabbed a towel, and his duffel bag, and headed for the bathroom. He took his time in the shower, mostly standing there under the hot water, as if trying to wash his guilt away.

It didn’t work. Just knowing that he’d have to get out at some point and go back to the room, and spend a whole night sleeping in the bed next to Cas, it made him feel strangely anxious; and Dean Winchester just didn’t get anxious normally.

When he finally came out of the shower, the TV was on, and Castiel was in his bed, his clothes tossed at the foot of his bed, and he was flicking through the channels, trying to find something interesting to watch.

“I forgot my vest in your car,”

Dean turned around and looked at Cas; he took a sharp breath in as he noticed that Cas was shirtless, and probably in just his boxers.

Cas was wearing nothing else but his boxers.

“Dean?” Castiel asked, the frown of confusion returning on his face.

Dean snapped back to reality. “Hm?”

“I forgot my vest in your car. I guess I left it there when I took it off earlier, and I need to get it back tomorrow before I go to work.” Cas returned his gaze back to the television, and finally turned it off.

“Oh, I’ll give you a ride there,”

Castiel bit down on his lip and looked sceptical for a second. “Thank you, Dean,”

It took Dean a moment to answer, as his gaze was fixated on Cas again. “It’s no problem, Cas,” he paused for a moment, and let out a deep sigh. “It’s the least I can do,”

They turned off the lights, and said goodnight, and Dean got under the covers of his bed, and turned his back to Cas. He wasn’t anywhere near sleepy, in fact he was wide awake. But he thought that at least now he didn’t feel nervous anymore, because Castiel was trying to sleep, and he was pretending to, and they didn’t have to talk anymore.

“How’s Sam?” Castiel asked, breaking the silence.

Dean rolled in his bed, coming to face Cas now. “He’s alright, he’s good.”

“Has he recovered?”

“Yeah,” Dean cleared his throat; why had the subject come to yet another thing that he felt guilty about. “Yeah, I guess,” he continued, and then tried to change the subject. “How about you, Cas? How’s the whole human thing working out for you?”

A small smile played on Castiel’s lips. Now he turned and looked at Dean. “It’s alright. I still have a lot to learn. And get used to everything.”

“But you’re okay,” Dean said, as if stating it, instead of asking it. He couldn’t bear it if Castiel disagreed.

“Yeah, I’m doing okay.”

It was nearly midnight, and there was a full moon that night, and the moonlight shone through the crack in the windows, and lit up the room a little. It was just light enough that they could see each other.

And they didn’t spend much time looking at anything else but each other.

The next morning, Dean realised that they’d spent most of the night being wide awake, and talking, about little things, this and that, wherever the conversation took them. And it had been so easy to talk to Cas, so surprisingly easy. And it had felt different, talking to him, that night, than it had during the day. It was as if something had changed, and in a good way.

Cas had forgiven him.

He hadn’t asked Dean about what was going on, and to explain himself, and demand the answers he so badly wanted. He trusted Dean, and he knew that sooner or later, everything would come together, and it would be okay.

Dean insisted on giving him money; Cas had rejected all of his offers.

“Come on, man, I know this isn’t exactly my money, but at least take just one credit card, to help you out,”

“Dean, I’m alright.”

“Dammit, Cas, just take it, okay? For a rainy day,”

Castiel smiled widely at this. “Dean.” He put both hands on Dean’s shoulders, and his eyes met with Dean’s green ones, and he held the gaze for a second. “I’m doing just fine, okay?”

Dean nodded weakly, feeling at a loss for words. “Okay,” he mumbled faintly.

Then Cas said goodbye to him, and walked into the shop, greeting Nora, who beamed happily at him; she looked out the window and caught Dean still staring at Cas. Realising this, Dean gave her a small nod and a little wave, then hurriedly got in his car and drove off.

He felt the weight of Castiel’s hands on his shoulders the entire eighteen-hour drive to Kansas.


	2. Chapter 2

 

The second time Dean visited Cas was only ten days later.

The whole time he spent at the bunker, he’d been restless, itching to get in his car and drive off, and not just anywhere, but back to Idaho. There hadn’t been any case that had been worth checking out, and there hadn’t been any news regarding the whole heaven and hell business, either.

He’d tried to sneak off without anyone noticing, and deal with coming up an excuse for why he’d taken off later, when he had to. But Sam caught him climbing up the stairs with a duffel bag over his shoulder, and keys in his hand.

“Where are you off to?” Sam had asked, seeming genuinely confused, and a little worried.

“Just for a drive,”

“Dean, I can see you’ve got your bag with you. What’s up?”

Dean had put his bag down and turned to look at Sam, sighing in exasperation. “I just need a holiday, or something, I don’t know. I’ll be back in a couple of days, alright?”

Sam had given him one of his classic bitchfaces. “You’re leaving me and Kevin to do all the work again, you know,”

“You guys are smart, you’ll figure it out,” Dean said, climbing up the stairs again. He shouted out a “See you, Sammy!” before walking out the door and closing it behind him.

After what felt like a drive that would never end, he was in Idaho again. He cursed his pathetic fear of airplanes, and wished he could just fly out to see Cas. It would have been such a short flight, he’d be there in no time. But Dean had never faced that fear; monsters he could do, demons, ghosts, he’d gone up against heaven and hell and everything in between, yet the thought of flying still terrified him.

He found himself parked on the opposite street of the Gas ‘n Sip, at a distance that Cas wouldn’t see him if he looked out the window, but would be hard to miss him if he walked out after his shift. Dean was just sitting there, listening to whatever the radio played, and impatiently tapping his foot, completely out of synch with the rhythm of the songs. He just waited for Castiel to finish his shift.

Quarter to five.

_Come on and work it on out._

Ten minutes to five.

_You know you twist so fine._

Five minutes to five.

_And let me know that you're mine._

Five.

Finally it was five o’clock, and Dean felt a feeling of nervousness rise in his stomach, a type of pleasant feeling of excitement, something he hadn’t felt in years, maybe not since he was a teenager.

A few minutes later, he saw Cas walk out of the store, a small backpack thrown over his shoulder.

Castiel waved goodbye at Nora as he left, and stepped outside, thinking for a moment where he should go to grab something to eat. He looked to his left, considering the little diner down the street, and then looked to his right. Much to his surprise, he caught sight of the Impala out of the corner of his eye, and gave it a once-over, unsure if it was Dean’s car. In the driver’s seat, though, he saw Dean, who was now smiling, and giving him a little wave.

A smile grew on his lips, and Cas bit down on his lower lip. He hurriedly crossed the street and walked right up to the car.

“Hello, Dean,” he said, and Dean’s heart skipped a beat; he had missed hearing Cas say that, in that deep, gravelly voice of his.

He smiled even wider at Cas. “Hey, Cas. Get in.”

Cas did as he was told, but he was still surprised to see the hunter. “What are you doing here?” he asked, before they drove off.

Dean hesitated to reply. He didn’t know whether he should have told him the truth or make something up. He decided to go with a half-truth. “I just wanted to stop by, see how you’re doing,”

“I’m…still doing alright,”

“Good. You hungry?”

“Absolutely.”

Cas directed Dean to the little diner down the street, a place he’d been to frequently in the last few weeks he’d been living in that town. And Dean didn’t mind at all where they’d go, he’d just told Castiel beforehand, that he was treating, and once again, Castiel hadn’t protested, he just let Dean be kind to him.

Even though Dean kept his feelings and thoughts to himself, and usually put on a smile and pretended everything was alright, Castiel could see right through it; he was one of the few people who couldn’t be deceived by Dean. And he could see, despite everything, Dean felt guilty, and maybe this was the way he chose to make up for anything bad that he’d done.

So Cas let him, and went along with it.

They ordered the cheeseburgers, which in Castiel’s opinion, was particularly good at the diner, and Dean ordered them chocolate milkshakes afterwards. They talked through the meal, and filled each other in about any news and such, and the conversation flowed easily between them.

During a moment of silence, Dean found himself staring at Cas again, smiling without realising it. “God, Cas, you’re so different now,”

Cas frowned. “How do you mean?”

“I don’t know,” Dean shrugged, still smiling a little bit. “You’re just…incredibly human now,”

“Well…yes.” Cas replied, still frowning.

Dean shook his head and rolled his eyes at him. “You’re kind of the same though,” he smiled again, wondering how could Cas be one of the fiercest warriors he’d ever met, yet at the same time, so wonderfully clueless, but never in a bad way.

After they’d finished eating, Dean drove them to the motel where he had booked a room again. He hadn’t even asked this time, and he hadn’t even needed to. They walked in the room and threw their bags on one side on the floor, as they continued their argument. It had started on something trivial, and Dean couldn’t even remember what it was, but it started when he played a Metallica song in the car, and Cas asked him if he could change the song. It spiralled downwards from there, as Dean argued that he picks the music in the car, and Cas said that he was being a bully, inflicting his absurd music tastes on other people.

At that, Dean’s mouth had just dropped open, and he’d looked at Cas speechless. “How dare you,” he’d said.

None of it was serious, and no one was getting upset over it, but the argument still continued from there, jumping from one topic to the other. It was just Dean being impossibly stubborn, and Cas following his example and not letting go of his argument either.

Now in the motel room, Dean walked towards the bathroom door, and threw his hands in the air. “Oh, whatever,”

“Just admit that you’re not always right and we can let this go,” Cas said, sounding a little more sarcastic than he would usually.

Dean turned around and looked at him, holding his gaze for a second, as a smile curled the corners of his mouth, and crinkled the corners of his eyes. A sudden image of pulling Cas into his arms and to a tight hug suddenly flooded his mind, surprising him. He shrugged it off, and rolled his eyes at Cas.

“I’m not always right,” Dean sighed and made his way to the bathroom. 

“Thank you,” Cas was smiling, a little too entertained by the fight they were having. He wouldn’t even call it that. They were simply bickering, just for the fun of it.

He changed out of his clothes and into a clean pair of jeans and a clean t-shirt he’d bought recently with his first pay check. He laid down on his bed, on top of the covers, and switched the TV on.

Dean poked his head around the door a minute later. “You wanna shower?”

“Perhaps later,”

“Cool, I’ll jump in then,” he winked at Cas and closed the bathroom door behind him.

A second later, he froze.

Did he just… _wink at Cas?_ Did he just fucking wink at Cas _after telling him he was going to take a shower?_

“Oh fuck, I need to get a grip,” Dean muttered to himself, as he stripped down and turned the shower on, checking the water temperature before jumping in. His mind wandered from one thing to another as he shampooed his hair and then his body.

Mostly he was thinking how different he acted around Castiel. How different he felt, how his mood lifted so much someone would’ve thought he was on drugs.

Which, well, sometimes it kind of felt like being on drugs.

His mind wandered further back, to little moments they’d shared in the past. The bar they were in, waiting for Cupid; the crypt they’d gone in looking for the angel tablet; how he’d prayed to Castiel numerous times, asking him to return to him; a whole year looking for Cas in purgatory, then finally finding him, and trying to drag him out of there, and failing, and so many other times before that.

Dean blinked, suddenly realising how Cas must’ve interpreted all those moments. What must have he thought when he had a his blade in one hand, and was ready to stab Dean with it, and Dean, at one last attempt to make Cas snap out of it, and come back to him, had desperately uttered the words _“I need you”_ to Cas.

There was a slight knock on the door that made Dean snap back to reality, very suddenly.

“Dean? Is everything okay?”

Dean shook his head, as if to shake the thoughts off.

All that had come and passed, and neither of them had talked about anything, and Cas had certainly not mentioned any of it to him.

Which was better, anyway. Why would Dean want to have a conversation that would be positively awkward for him?

“Yeah, Cas, I’ll be right out.”

“Okay,” Cas said to him through the door. “I just wanted to check because you’ve been in there for a long time.”

A blush crept on Dean’s cheeks as he hurriedly washed the shampoo out of his hair. Cas must have definitely got the wrong idea about why he was in the shower for so long.

Or maybe, Cas being Cas, wouldn’t even have thought about that.

Pulling the curtain back, Dean got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist, and walked into the room. He avoided looking at Cas; he simply picked up his duffel bag and went back into the bathroom because he was not about to change in front of Castiel.

Cas, on the other hand, had been watching cartoons and keeping himself entertained while he waited for Dean to finish his shower. When Dean walked out though, he glanced at him, to say hi, or say something, but the words never left his mind, instead his eyes followed Dean, and his nakedness, and the towel around his waist and his wet messy hair, until he turned his back and walked out again.

Cas closed his mouth, now realising it was hanging open. He turned his attention back to the TV and focused back to the storyline of the coyote and the roadrunner.


	3. Chapter 3

 

They spent the rest of the day and most of the night watching cartoons together in bed and snacking on popcorn and sweets. Castiel’s fondness of cartoons was almost childlike, and it showed that there was such an innocent sweetness to him. Dean didn’t mind staying in bed and watching cartoons all day, though, even if they were sort of squeezed together on a queen bed.

He kind of liked it, actually.

After all, after everything, he did enjoy just hanging out with his best friend, and wasting time watching TV, and not having to deal with the usual crap he had to deal with. All his life he’d been hunting, and he’d rarely get any break from it, and even if he did, he’d never have the time to properly rest. Usually it was just one case after the other, one disaster after the other, with some little breaks in between.

Now he felt like he wouldn’t get out of bed if Lucifer himself broke out of his cage again and dragged him out.

He only would jump on his feet ready to fight if anyone he cared for was in danger.

But nothing could go wrong; Sam and Kevin were safe at the bunker, Charlie had gone off to Oz with Dorothy, and was probably safe with her, and he was in a less-crappy than usual motel room with Cas.

And he damn well deserved a break.

It was well past midnight when Dean noticed that Cas had fallen asleep, and in doing on had leaned on Dean, his head resting on his shoulder. Dean looked down at the man, and an involuntary smile grew on his lips. He wanted to get up, and maybe place Cas in a more comfortable sleeping position, but he didn’t dare move in fear that Cas would wake up.

So he turned his attention back to the TV, but after a minute or two, he switched it off. The room fell completely silent, and Castiel woke up, yawning and stretching.

“What time is it?” he mumbled sleepily.

“Nearly 2.” Dean said, and carefully got up, picking up the empty bags of popcorn and candy from the bed. He took his shirt off and then pulled his t-shirt over his head and tossed it on the sofa. “I think it’s time to sleep, Cas.”

“Mm, yeah.” Castiel got up for just a second, removed his jeans and placed them at the foot of his bed. Then he climbed under the covers and mumbled “Goodnight” to Dean, quickly falling asleep again but not before hearing Dean’s reply.

“Goodnight, angel.”

 

Morning came too soon which meant Cas had to go back to work and Dean had to go back to Kansas. Cas had woken up before Dean had, and he’d taken a long shower, managed to get dressed, gone out and got tea for himself, coffee for Dean and bagels for both of them for breakfast.

When he’d come back to the motel, Dean was only just waking up then. He rolled around in his bed sleepily, not quite feeling like waking up.

“What time is it?” he was the one to ask Cas this time.

“Time for me to go to work. Half past eight.”

Dean groaned. “Gimme a second to wake up.”

“I can walk, Dean, it’s not far from here.” Castiel protested. He’d feel bad if Dean forced himself out of bed just to give him a lift to his job, which was close anyway; only about a twenty minute walk.

“I’ll give you a lift, Cas.” Dean insisted, and managed to get on his two feet.

After getting dressed and brushing his teeth, only then did Dean notice the coffee and bagel that were waiting for him. He thanked Cas and took a sip of the coffee; if he was going to manage the drive back home he would need several cups.

Soon after, the Impala was pulling up near the Gas ‘n Sip again. Dean switched off the engine and took a deep breath.

“Cas, back at the bunker…I’m sorry I told you to go.”

Cas let out a soft sigh, and lowered his eyes, choosing to look at his hands in his lap. He was glad that Dean had brought up the subject without him having to ask.

“I know it’s been hard, on your own.” Dean continued, in a low voice. Cas could sense a hint of guilt.

“I’m alright, Dean,”

“Yeah, you’re adapting.” Dean smiled just as Cas turned to look at him. “I’m proud of you.”

Cas smiled back at him. “Thank you, Dean.”

It felt strange, having this little heart to heart with Dean, when they’d spend all of their time up to that point hanging out as two friends, as if there wasn’t anything between them that needed resolving. Still, Castiel felt a little better, and just held on to the hope that at some point it would be clear why Dean had asked him to leave when in fact for months he had been praying to him, asking him to go to him, and stay with him.

He got out of the car and closed the door, then looked at Dean through the window. “Maybe next time you come up…” his trailed off, realising that he had just assumed Dean would visit again, as if he had nothing better to do.

“What is it, Cas?”

“Um,” Cas paused for a second. “I’ll give you a call if anything comes up. A case, or something.”

Dean smiled. “Yeah, you do that.” He said, nodding slightly. “Or just give me a call anyway.”

Cas nodded, as if to say “I will” and he waved goodbye to Dean before making his way back to the store.

Dean found himself staring at Cas until he disappeared into the store before he started his engine again and drove off.

 

Sam was in his room when he heard the bunker’s entrance door open and close, and the unmistakable sound of Dean’s boots as he walked down the stairs and headed straight to his bedroom. Sam smiled a little to himself, knowing well that his brother would try avoid him, and probably avoid answering any questions that Sam would ask.

Truth is, there were only three things in Dean’s mind when he finally got home; food, shower, sleep, and Cas.

Okay, maybe four things.

But he hadn’t even thought about the fact that Sam was going to wonder where he’d vanished for the last three days. Sam didn’t wonder about it, though; he’d just gone and figured it out.

When Dean woke up the next morning, Sam was already at the table in the library, a cup of coffee on a coaster at the table, and the first book of _A Song of Ice and Fire_ at his lap. He saw Dean walk out of his room, wearing his usual robe and yawning sleepily.

“Good morning,” Sam said brightly.

“’Morning,” came the quiet, mumbled reply. Dean avoided looking at his brother as he started making his way to the kitchen, but he froze at the question that reached his ears.

“So, how was he?”

Dean felt his muscles tense up. He remained with his back turned to Sam. “How was who?”

“Cas,” Sam stated, trying to bite back a smirk. “You did go to see him, didn’t you?”

Dean turned around to face him. “How do you know that?”

“GPS.” Sam grinned cheekily. “Come on, you got up and left without saying where you were headed, and every time I called your phone was off. I got worried.”

“Huh,” was all Dean said, and quickly rushed to the kitchen, to get himself a mug of coffee as well, and made sure he took his time, knowing full well that he’d avoided Sam’s question, and he would ask again.

He grabbed Sam’s laptop and sat down at the table across his brother, sipping his drink and still avoiding eye contact. None of them spoke for a few minutes, as Dean quickly scanned through the major newspapers of nearby towns.

“He’s alright, he’s doing okay.”

Sam nodded in reply. “What made you go visit him again? Was there another case?”

It took so much effort on Dean’s part not to glare at his brother. He was sure that Sam didn’t mean to annoy him intentionally, he was just being curious and worried, but it wasn’t easy for him to come up with excuses and explanations every time he had to lie.

“Just thought I’d drop by, see how he’s doing,”

It wasn’t a complete lie. He’d just, sort of left out the part about him missing Cas.

Another nod from Sam, who decided to drop the subject, sensing how obviously uneasy it made Dean feel. He could read it in his expression, his voice, and the way it took him a second before he managed to form a coherent sentence.

So he changed the topic, and filled Dean in on what he and Kevin had managed to find about the angel tablet; nothing at all. It was such a messy cluster of scrawls and scribbles that made absolutely no sense at all. So he’d taken a break, and turned to some casual reading instead, to pass the time.

“What about any new cases?” Dean asked after a short while.

“I’ve bookmarked some news articles, thought they may or may not be worth checking out.”

Dean inhaled deeply. “I’ll have a look later.” he said as he closed his laptop and went back to his room.

He collapsed down on his bed and spent the rest of the day in bed, only getting up to eat, shower, or get another beer from the fridge.


	4. Chapter 4

 

Dean had returned back to Kansas on a Sunday, and spent the entire day being lazy and doing nothing, only wishing he could go back to Cas, or even better, be able to call him up and ask him to get back to the bunker.

On the Monday after that, he and Sam had packed their bags and headed to a few towns over, to check out a case which may or may not had been one. Thankfully, it was, and it was quite an easy one as well, but Dean felt that he really needed the distraction.

By Thursday, though, the case was solved, the ghost was put to rest, and the brothers were back at the bunker, and back to trying to solve the mystery of the tablet.

As always, they weren’t getting anywhere with it, and as much as Kevin and Sam were eager to bury themselves in old boring books, Dean wasn’t feeling it. He wanted to help, though, ‘cause he did feel bad for taking off the week before, but somehow, his mind wandered, and he ended up reading the same sentence about ten times before giving up; it made little to no sense to him.

Every once in a while he’d mutter and curse under his breath, and groan impatiently. He’d toss a book aside and pick up a new one, hoping he’d make some progress. After an hour or so of this, Kevin snapped at Dean, grabbed the books out of his hands, and shooed him out of the room.

“You’re doing more harm than good,” he said, sounding annoyed.

“Gee, sorry for trying to help.”

“Just go take a nap or something. Leave it to me and Sam.” Kevin added, making Dean roll his eyes but he was more than happy to oblige anyway.

Sam chuckled, because he knew how much Dean hated research, but he also understood how annoying it must’ve been for Kevin, having to put up with Dean’s huffs and puffs and random mumblings. At least Sam was used to it by now, and managed to tune it out.

He was tempted to tell Dean to take a few more days off and go see Cas again. It was a while now that Sam had realised there was something different about Dean’s and Castiel’s friendship, and soon he’d figured it out; Dean was ridiculously in love with Cas, especially if the past few weeks were any indication. The problem was, he wasn’t sure that Dean realised it himself, or if Cas could tell, but if they were to place bets, Sam would bet that they were both surprisingly ignorant of both their own, and each other’s feelings, and oh, yeah, Cas definitely felt the same way.

All Sam did was stand back and watch how the story would unfold, and entertaining himself by teasing Dean about it, sometimes subtly, sometimes not so much. He was sure that they’d figure it out eventually.

It was after waking up the next morning and finding Dean’s note on the kitchen fridge that he realised that Dean had taken off to go see Cas again.

 

**

Cas stared at the telephone next to the cash machine for a minute. He was tempted to pick up the phone and dial Dean’s number, say, hey, how are you, when are you going to come up again.

He didn’t. He was sure Dean had lots on his plate, and wouldn’t probably have the time to visit again, or if he did have the time, why would he visit anyway.

Castiel was doing even better. He’d saved up enough that he was able to book a room at the cheapest – and crappiest – motel in the city, and enjoy a better bed and a hot shower, at least for some nights. He worked extra hours at the store, and was careful with his spending, and sleeping at the store meant that he saved even more. Nora was very generous with his salary, or so Cas thought.

He’d got the hang of being human, more or less, and he liked being away from the mess of heaven and hell, the demons and the angels that chased after him. He enjoyed being human; life was somehow easier now. He had a routine, and he stuck to it, and everything was working out, for once.

And having Dean visit him, well, that just made everything better. He felt a sudden surge of happiness, a warm feeling, spread throughout his chest, every time he saw Dean, and the time flew by when he was with him, and it seemed like Dean filled a gap of emptiness which nothing else could fill.

Not that he’d ever tell Dean any of this. It was strange enough admitting it to himself, back when he first met Dean, when he was still an angel, and it came as a sudden realisation how much he wanted to be around Dean, and how much he needed the hunter. Castiel, the angel of the Lord, who’d been alive for millennia, watched the world spin around, watched everything pass by, and he had, without realising it at first, attached himself to this fragile, broken soul that was Dean Winchester.

Castiel suddenly snapped out of his thoughts when the store’s bell rang, and he turned his attention to the potential customer; only to find out it was Dean Winchester himself.

“Dean,” his said, a gentle smile curling his lips, and his facial expression softening. Cas was almost certain that sometimes he was being too obvious, only with the way he looked at Dean.

“Hey, Cas,” Dean said, returning the smile.

Dean’s lush green eyes met Castiel’s ocean blue ones, and the two men stood there for a full minute, just holding each other’s gaze, getting lost in each other’s eyes.

“I didn’t know you were coming to visit again.” Castiel finally said, breaking the silence that had wrapped around them.

“Yeah, well, everything’s still a dead end with the tablet, so I thought…I can go see my friend Cas again.”

“I’m glad you did.”

Dean nodded, a sudden bubble of happiness bursting inside him, at what he’d just heard. Cas was glad he was there.

“Me too,” was all he managed to say in response.

It was nearly seven, which meant that Cas would soon finish his shift. Dean hang around, waiting for Castiel to finish his duties, and close up the store.

Mostly he just got in the way, talked a lot, asked questions, and grabbed a pack of gummy bears, and started eating them.

“Dean,” Cas sighed, his patience running out.

“Don’t worry, I’ll pay for it later. In fact,” he grabbed another pack and placed them on the counter. “Can you ring these up?” he grinned cheekily at Cas.

Castiel shot him a glare. “In a minute. As soon as I finish mopping the floor.”

Dean shrugged, and continued walking around the story, sometimes glancing at Cas, admiring his hard-working and dedicated attitude towards his job; he really took pride in his new title, Cas – or Steve, more like – the sales associate.

“Move. Go wait at the counter.” Cas slightly shoved Dean, as he was standing at a spot that hadn’t been mopped yet.

“Sorry,” Dean muttered, amused, and walked away, leaving his footprints all over the newly-cleaned floor.

“Oh for heaven’s sake,” Castiel dropped the mop, and walked to the counter, grabbing the gummy bears pack and handing them to Dean. “Here, it’s my treat. Go wait in the car.” He said, sounding slightly mad, and grabbed Dean from his arm, nearly pushing him out of the store.

Dean just laughed loudly at this. “Alright, alright, just don’t be too late.”

With Dean out of the way, Cas finished up soon and locked up the store, not before grabbing his backpack from the storage room, as he knew that he’d end up spending the night with Dean again, and he was looking forward to it so much. And this time, he’d tell him to stay at the motel room he’d booked, something he was quite proud of.

Dean was waiting for him outside the car, leaning against it, popping gummy bears in his mouth, and smiling warmly at him.

“Ready to go?”

Castiel nodded in response, and walked around the car; he glanced up at the sky and took a deep breath before getting in.

“The sky is wonderful tonight,” he said, sighing happily. He couldn’t put into words how happy he felt, sitting in the passenger seat of the Impala, with Dean by his side in the driver’s seat.

Dean glanced out the window and up at the sky. “Yeah it is,” he smiled, remembering back when he used to go stargazing with Sam, in between hunts. “Tell you what, why don’t we head to a diner and pick up some takeaway and some beers and go for a drive. But first we stop at the motel because I don’t know about you, but I need a shower.”

He couldn’t believe the things he said; sometimes, his brain surprised him like that. Dean was sure that he would’ve pulled something like this with a girl, back when he was younger, and had first got his hands on a car. It was such a sure-fire way to get girls. A starry night and a couple of beers and they’d be swooning.

Dean shook the thoughts off; no, that’s not what his intention was with Castiel. He raised his eyebrows, and shrugged slightly, nervously waiting for Cas to answer.

“I’d really like that.” Cas said quietly, almost whispering, and turning to look at Dean. “I have a room at this motel a little ways down the road. I booked it for yesterday and today. We could stay there.”

“Sure. Sounds good.”

Dean broke eye contact after a moment, and started driving, following Castiel’s instructions to find the motel. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks everyone for your kudos and comments, i really appreciate them! :)))


	5. Chapter 5

 

A pitch-dark, nearly black canvas was spread out above them, a bright silver moon at the far corner, and myriads of twinkling and glittering stars scattered across it. The Impala was parked at a secluded spot off the highway, with trees surrounding them, and no sight of any lamp posts which would effectively ruin the scenery.

Dean was sitting on the hood of the car, or practically lying down, as he’d leaned back against the windshield. He had a hand behind his head, and a beer in his other one. Cas was sitting cross-legged next to him, his head fully tilted back, his gaze focused on the sky above them.

“There, another one,” he uttered softly, pointing to yet another falling star.

“Make a wish.” Dean said, smirking a little. Each and every time they saw a shooting star, he’d say the same thing, and Cas would roll his eyes, and explain how it wasn’t a valid way of obtaining something you wanted.

This time, Castiel didn’t say anything. He glanced back at Dean, and looked at him for a second, as a smile played on his lips. Then he sighed and looked back at the sky. “My neck is becoming really stiff.”

“Of course it is,” Dean dropped the empty can in the bag next to the car. “Lie down.”

Cas was about to, when he felt a hand on his back, stopping him.

“Before you do, can you see if there’s anything to eat left?” Dean grinned at him.

Cas uncrossed his legs and jumped off the hood. “I don’t think so, but I’ll check.” He looked inside the car, and only saw a bunch of wrappers and empty bags in the backseat. Then his eye glimpsed the unopened bag of gummy bears in the passenger seat. “Here,” he said, throwing it at Dean.

“Hey, awesome!”

“How can you be hungry when you devoured a whole pizza and several pieces of chicken wings earlier?”

“We’ve been here for two hours now, Cas. I got hungry!” Dean reasoned with him, as he started popping more gummy bears in his mouth. He offered them to Cas, who happily took a few.

It had been two awfully silent hours, with little bits of conversation here and there. It wasn’t bad, though, Dean thought, it wasn’t uncomfortable. He enjoyed the comfortable silence, but just enjoyed his talks with Castiel more.

Suddenly Cas was lying down next to him, his hands folded in front of his chest. He was wearing an old t-shirt of Dean’s, as he’d run out of clean t-shirts, and pale faded jeans. Every once in a while Dean would glance at him, and study him, unable to stop himself. Cas looked so different now, and…perhaps even more attractive. If that was possible.

Dean was really hoping Cas wouldn’t notice just how much time he spent looking at him.

Cas noticed _all_ the stolen glances.

This time he didn’t ignore it; he turned to look at Dean, a smile on his face. “What?”

Dean’s mind raced, as all his thoughts became scattered; he felt a sudden increase in his heartbeat, and the feeling of nervousness rise in his stomach again. He stuttered for a second before coming up with something to say. “You look weird without your trench coat.” The words rushed out of his mouth.

“Oh.” Cas looked up at the sky again.

Dean averted his gaze as well. “What happened to it anyway?”

“It’s in a laundry room somewhere in…I’m not sure.”               

“Oh.” Dean mumbled in response. He made a mental note to get a new one for Cas.

“I’m sorry I didn’t keep it, Dean, I know it was important to you.”

“What’re you talkin’ about?” Dean asked quickly, shrugging off the feeling that he did miss seeing the angel in his trench coat. “It was you who never took it off.”

Cas smiled, shaking his head. He remembered how Dean had kept it after he’d disappeared into the lake after his whole stunt as a new God, and he was sure Dean remembered it too, and how he’d returned it to Cas after he’d shown up again, as Emmanuel. Cas dropped the subject anyway; it was obviously making Dean uneasy. If nothing else, Dean was an expert at actively avoiding topics he didn’t want to talk about.

Silence fell between them again, and the only thing that could be heard was the sounds of passing cars, which were rare, or the sound of Dean opening another can of beer, which was more frequent. This time he offered Cas the beer, and got himself another one.

“Is something wrong?” Castiel found himself asking Dean, a slight frown crossing his features. He wasn’t sure if he’d hidden the worry well or if it was evident in his tone.

“No, why?”

“Well, from what I’ve observed, people drink great amounts of alcohol when something bad happens, or is about to happen.” He glanced at Dean for a second, and then back at the sky, his mind wandering back to his own experiences with alcohol. “That’s why I ask.”

“No, Cas, nothing is wrong,” Dean smiled at Cas.

“Then why have you just drunk six cans of beer?”

“It’s a habit, alright?” Dean sounded a bit harsher than he’d intended to. “In this life, you just get used to drinking a lot.”

“Have you ever thought of stopping? Completely, with no going back to it?”

“What, drinking? It’s not-”

“No. Hunting.” Castiel interrupted him.

Dean’s eyebrows shot up as he considered the question. He glanced at Cas briefly, and shrugged in response. There was no straight answer to that question.

There seemed to be no way of ever really stopping.

“Why do you ask?” he finally asked Cas, simultaneously avoiding the question.

Cas shrugged as well, and the subject was dropped. He didn’t want to really answer that question, and he didn’t speak, and neither did Dean, so they sat together in silence. Not before long, it was interrupted by Dean’s voice.

“Have you ever been to space, Cas?”

Castiel frowned. “What do you mean? We’re in space right now, Dean.”

“I mean to another planet.” Dean said, rolling his eyes.

“Oh.” Cas seemed thoughtful for a second. “No, I haven’t. I was assigned to watch over Earth, and humanity.”

Dean gave him a slow nod in response, and the conversation dropped again, and silence followed.

Dean’s mind was racing with thoughts again, memories playing in his mind, all of it returning back to Castiel, lying on the hood of his car next to him, wearing one of his old t-shirt’s, drinking beer with him. Somehow, however strange it all was, at the same time, it was familiar. Comfortable. Something to come to when things got bad.

Castiel’s mind was focused on one thing, and one thing only; all he wanted to do was reach out and grab Dean’s hand, and lace their fingers together, and hold on to it as if he was hanging from a cliff and holding Dean’s hand would be the only thing that kept him from falling.

He made a disgruntled noise, as the thought that it may have been the exact same thing, holding Dean’s hand, which made him fall in the first place.

“What was that?” Dean asked, a hint of amusement in his voice.

“Nothing,” Cas sighed, and gave him a reassuring smile.

Dean dropped the empty can in the bag, and made a reminder to himself not to pick up another one. Instead he just lay down again, this time being even closer to Cas, so much that their shoulders were touching, and if they both turned their heads-

Dean swore in his head as he discarded the thought. He needed to gain better control of his thoughts.

Soon his eyelids were heavy, and he struggled to keep them open; he found himself blinking to stay awake. As his eyes closed, and remained closed for a whole minute, he felt something nudge at his hand. Dean was about to open his eyes to see what was going on, when he felt Castiel’s hand take hold of his; he fought to keep the smile from forming on his lips, deciding that it may just be better to pretend to have fallen asleep.

Cas saw the hint of the smile, and couldn’t help the one that appeared on his own lips.


	6. Chapter 6

 

Dean knocked on the bathroom door loudly. “Cas? Better hurry up, we’re gonna take off soon.”

“What?” Cas shouted from the other side; he was finishing up, but the water was still running, and he hadn’t heard Dean.

Dean rolled his eyes and opened the door, but kept his gaze away. “I said, we’ve got to go soon.”

“Oh, go if you have to, I can walk to work, it’s only about twenty minutes from here.”

“Cas, it’s ten to.”

“Oh, shit.” Cas hurriedly turned the water off and grabbed the towel from the rack, quickly wrapping it around himself and, jumping out of the shower, nearly tripping.

Dean laughed at the sight, but his attention was soon drawn by the fact that Cas was essentially naked, with only a towel wrapped around his waist. He smiled as he watched him trip over his own feet, in an attempt to grab his clothes from the floor while struggling to hold on to his towel.

Dean just kept staring; Cas, his hair wet, water dripping down his chest, stumbling around the bathroom, and _swearing;_ it as all so insanely hot, and his eyes fell to the enochian warding tattoo on his lower abdomen, studying it. Dean hadn’t even realised he’d been staring at Cas until he walked past him, shooting him a frowning glance as he did. Suddenly Dean’s eyes widened and he mumbled something incoherent before walking in the bathroom to splash his face with cold water, in an attempt to snap back to reality.

Cas was dressed when he walked out, and was packing up his bag, still rushing and stressing out.

“Relax, Cas, I’ll get you there in two minutes.”

“I need to return the key.” Cas mumbled. He looked around the room making sure he wasn’t leaving anything behind, then rushed out the room. “You coming?” he asked Dean, who was still standing there and definitely watching him.

“Oh, yeah.” Dean picked up his duffel bag and followed.

They arrived at the Gas ‘n Sip just on time, and Cas wanted to get out of the car and rush into the store, because he didn’t want to be late. Yet, he didn’t. He knew that Dean was headed back to the bunker again, and who knew when he’d be back.

And oh, he hated the goodbyes. There was such a bitterness in those moments before they each headed their own way. Cas hated saying goodbye to Dean.

“You’ll be late.”

“It’s alright.” Cas answered, almost whispering. He yearned to reach out and take Dean’s hand in his own again, but he didn’t dare. “Will you come visit soon?”

“Will you give me a call?” Dean gave him a brief lopsided smile. There was a sadness in his eyes, the usual glint wasn’t there.

“I will.”

“I will, too, then.”

Cas smiled at him now. “Okay. I have to go now.” He opened the door and got out, but leaned in to look at Dean again. “Goodbye, Dean.”

“See you, Cas.”

At this, Castiel grinned. “Yes. See you, Dean.”

Dean had almost reached the state borders when he pulled his car over, and wondered if he should stay; he wanted to, more than anything, but Sam had texted him with a case that needed to be checked out, and they were supposed to meet halfway in Wyoming. Which was just lucky, because Dean was so tired with driving. He told himself that the next time he came to see Cas, he’d make sure to stay for at least a full day.

After what felt like forever, he reached Riverton, Wyoming, found the first motel, booked a double room, and only barely managed to text Sam about his whereabouts before he passed out on the bed.

Sam arrived a few hours later, and after a search throughout the town he found the motel and the room number.

Dean answered the door looking sleepy and grumpy. He mumbled something under his breath about going back to sleep and flopped down on his bed again.

“You look like crap, man, what’s wrong?” Sam questioned, as he took off his jacket and his shoes.

“I’m fine,” Dean sounded irritated.

Sam shrugged, and didn’t ask anything else. “So, get this-”

“Sam,” Dean grumbled as he got up, and started taking his clothes off. “Sleep time now, okay? Case time is tomorrow morning.” He threw his clothes towards the general direction of the sofa and climbed under the covers.

Sam licked his lips, and let out a sigh of frustration. He kept his night light on, and did some more research on his laptop, and looked at the local papers and police reports. It was nearly midnight, so it wasn’t as if they would go talk to the victims’ families, or the police, or whatever. But he was sick of Dean’s attitude lately, and how cranky and sullen he was whenever he returned from Idaho. It made it difficult to even talk to Dean, let alone get him to actually cooperate on a case or with the angel tablet.

When he woke up the next morning, Dean was already at the table, with his laptop in front of him and drinking coffee.

“’Morning, Sammy,” he shot Sam a big smile. Apparently, his mood had improved.

“Well I take you’re feeling better,” Sam yawned and turned to check the time on his phone; it read 7:30. “Dean, why are you up so early?”

“I had like ten hours of sleep, what did you expect?”

“Is that what all that was about, yesterday?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “You make it sound so dramatic. I just needed to get some sleep, I didn’t get much the night before.”

Hearing that, Sam grimaced, thinking to himself, _well I didn’t need to know_ that, knowing full well that Dean had been with Cas.

“It’s not what you’re thinking.” Dean shot a glare, immediately reading Sam’s expression and ultimately, almost hearing his thought. “I was with Cas.” Dean explained, sounding a little uneasy.

“Oh, I know you were with Cas.” Sam’s expression changed to one of amusement, and subtle hinting of _“What were you doing with Cas, then, Dean? Hmm?”_

Dean shot a glare at him. “You know, I do miss sharing a room with you.” He said, the sarcasm heavy in his voice.

Sam just laughed heartily as he made his way to the bathroom. Lately, teasing Dean had been more fun than ever before; it was as if Sam had found the buttons that would grant him with laughs, and just kept pushing them again and again.

An hour later, they were on the road, both ready and focused on solving the case, and getting back to Kansas as soon as possible.

 


	7. Chapter 7

 

Dean, Sam and Kevin were all hanging out in the library, continuing with their research, when Dean’s phone rang, piercing through the silence like a sharp blade. Kevin looked at Dean, shooting him a glare. He did not like distractions.

“Gee, sorry,” Dean muttered, taken aback, and pulled the phone out of his pocket; Castiel’s number was flashing across the screen. He pressed a button to silence it, fearing that Kevin would have grabbed it and thrown it across the room if it kept ringing.

If it was up to Dean, he’d hire a hooker about once a week for Kevin, maybe so he wouldn’t be so damn cranky all the time.

He waited for a couple of minutes, then excused himself and headed to his room, carefully closing the door behind him, and pressing the call button on his phone. The nerves rose in his stomach as he listened to the dial tone, and then he heard Castiel’s voice on the other end.

“Hey, Cas,” he breathed, feeling relieved to hear his voice. “Sorry, I couldn’t talk before. So what’s up?”

Cas, on the other end, was smiling to himself. “Nothing…really. You asked me to call you, so I’m calling you.”

Dean found himself grinning from ear to ear. He lay down on his bed and placed an arm behind his head. “Oh, really,” he murmured absent-mindedly, as the only thing on his mind was how fucking cute Cas was being.

He asked Cas about how his day had been, and how he was doing, and then talked about the blood-thirsty pagan god they’d hunted in Wyoming, and how still, in spite of their best efforts, they hadn’t managed to decipher the angel tablet yet.

After a while, the conversation had died down, but they’d stayed on the line anyway, not speaking, just listening to the silence and each other’s breathing. It was Cas who interrupted the silence first.

“Do you think you could come visit again?”

“I think so.”

“Maybe, if you’re free…on Wednesday?” Cas bit down on his lip, feeling nervous. “It’s just Wednesdays I’ve got the day off, and if you’re going to drive all the way here…” he trailed off.

“Yeah, that sounds good.” Dean smiled again. He thought to himself – Wednesday was only five days away. Maybe he could set off on Tuesday, though. Or Monday. It would take him so long to get there, after all.

“Good. I’m glad.” Cas sounded more confident now. “I’m staying at the Idaho Falls motel now, I’ve booked a room for a week. I’m in room number 24.”

“Got it.” Dean said, scribbling down a note on a piece of paper. “I’ll see you then, Cas.”

“See you, Dean.”

Cas hang up the phone, then stood staring at it for a good minute, unable to stop himself from smiling.

Being human was working out way better for him than being an angel had.

Angel of the Lord Castiel never had the time to stick around and spend time with Dean. As a human, who had been told to lay low and avoid any interactions with the other angels, he felt like he had all the time in the world, and all the freedom, to do as he liked. For once he wasn’t being ordered, or controlled, or being dragged down with responsibilities. For once, he could just do whatever he felt like.

And that, right now, was to spend any and all free time he had with Dean.

After that phone call, they hadn’t spoken at all, and the days didn’t seem to want to pass. For the next few days, Cas would wake up in the morning and think to himself _“one day less”_ before getting out of bed and going about his day. Everything was going well, though, and there were no problems at the store, and Nora was extremely pleased with his work. Every praise he got from her made Castiel beam proudly.

Tuesday afternoon rolled in, and after finishing his shift, Cas headed back to his motel room, looking forward to food, and a shower, and to pass the time before sleep, because Dean had said he’d come up on Wednesday.

As he put the kettle to boil in the little kitchenette in his room, he heard a knock on his door, which surprised him. Warily, he walked towards the window, and looked out to see who else but Dean Winchester. In a flash, Cas was at the door, flinging it wide open.

“Hello, Dean,” he said. The smile grew on his face almost automatically now.

“Hey, Cas.” Dean walked in and dropped his bag on the floor, then took a step closer to Cas, wrapping him in a big hug. To his surprise, Cas returned the hug this time. “It’s good to see you, man.”

“You too.”

“Real good.”

They held on each other’s gaze, unable to look away. Then, out of the corner of his eyes, Dean saw that Cas had booked a room with two single beds. “You were expecting me, huh?” he said, as he took off his jacket and placed it on one of the beds.

“I was hoping you’d visit again.” Castiel felt a blush flood his cheeks.

Dean gave him a short nod and flashed him a smile, but didn’t say anything. “Oh, what’s this?” He walked to the kitchenette, observing the pot on the stove, and the box of pasta next to it. “Are you cooking?”

“Yes, yes, I am. I’ll make some more for you.”

“What’re you making, then?”

“Pasta with tomato sauce?” Cas smiled at Dean as he walked to the kitchenette. He turned the stove on and poured the boiling water in a pot. “Would you like some?”

“Oh, definitely, I’m starving.” Dean came up behind him, and watched him pour the little pasta twists into the pot. He folded his arms behind his back and walked even closer, resting his chin on Castiel’s shoulder. “Where’d you learn how to cook, Cas?”

“Well, it’s amazing the things you can learn by watching television.” Cas stirred the pasta, and as his shoulder moved, Dean’s chin bobbed up and down on it. “And anyway, the tomato sauce is microwaveable. Could you not-”

“Sorry,” Dean grinned, not sounding sorry at all. He walked around the room, curiously picking up various objects, examining them, and placing them back to their spot. There were a couple of books with the Idaho State Library seal on them, a sketchbook and a pen, the day’s paper, and oh, the fridge had a few bottles of beers as well. “Awesome,” Dean pulled one out and opened it. Immediately he was met with a disapproving look from Castiel.

“What?”

Castiel shook his head, and turned his attention back to the pasta. “Just don’t finish them all, if you can help it.”

“I’ll just have one.” Dean said quietly, walking up to the man again. “Can I help with something?”

“No, I can manage.” Cas smiled at him, to let him know he wasn’t actually mad.

“Alright, I’ll go take a quick shower before we eat then.”

“No, sit down.” Cas sounded really bossy now. “Your showers are most definitely not quick. The food will be ready soon.”

“But-”

Cas chuckled softly as he poured the tomato sauce in a bowl and placed it in the microwave, turning the timer on. Dean did as he was told, and tried not to smile, pretending he was annoyed.

“I hope you like it, Dean.” Castiel said as they sat down to eat.

Dean loved the way his name sounded when Cas uttered it. “I have no standards when it comes to food, don’t worry.” He grinned at Cas and took a bite. “Yup, I knew it. It’s delicious.”

Cas rolled his eyes but smiled back anyway.

 


	8. Chapter 8

 

After dinner they did the washing up together, and then sat down to watch some television to pass the time. It was Castiel’s idea, because the Looney Tunes would come on soon. Dean didn’t want to spend the whole night watching cartoons. He did enjoy it, because he and Cas could sit together staring at a wall and he’d still be having fun, he’d still want to just sit right next to Cas and do nothing but enjoy his presence. But now, he didn’t want the distraction of the television. He wanted Cas all to himself, he wanted his undivided attention. Right after the cartoons finished, a nature documentary about marine life came on, and Castiel seemed to be interested in watching it; a frown crossed his features as Dean grabbed the remote and switched the television off.

“What, you want to watch some show about dolphins or you wanna listen to some music?”

Dean turned on the radio instead and found his favourite station, just as the first notes of a Led Zeppelin song were playing. He grabbed his car keys and phone, and headed to the door.

“Where are you going, Dean?” Castiel wondered out loud.

“I’ll be right back.”

Puzzled by Dean’s behaviour, Cas just lay down on his bed and made himself comfortable, as the music and lyrics flooded his mind. He got lost in the music, and listened carefully to one song after the other, paying close attention to the lyrics. He found himself marvelling at how humans were capable of creating such beautiful things. His thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door, and he opened it to reveal Dean standing there with a bottle of whiskey in his hands.

“Dean,” Cas rolled his eyes at him.

“Shut it. I’m gonna teach you to appreciate the finer things in life.” He grinned at Castiel.

“And what’s that?”

“Music and whiskey.” Dean said smiling, then frowned as he continued the thought in his head. _No, not that. Don’t you dare say it loud. Not sex, no._

They sat down side by side on the floor, leaning against the bed. Dean poured them a glass of whiskey each, and they listened to the music, not talking much at first. Dean realised that this wasn’t a lesson of any kind. He just wanted to have some of his favourite things together in a room, and that was a good excuse.

“You know what, I should’ve picked up some pie as well.”

“There’s one in the fridge.” Cas smiled, turning to look at him. His smile grew even wider when Dean looked at him with a surprised look on his face, eyes wide and mouth open.

“Wow, Cas, you’re the best.”

Cas glanced down, grinning, and playfully nudged him with his shoulder. Dean nudged back, unable to stop himself from grinning madly.

“You know, I think I like the taste of whiskey better than beer.” Cas spoke up a few minutes later. “I think it’s starting to affect me.”

“What? That’s your first glass.” Dean chuckled. “Well, better take it slow then. Don’t want you getting drunk.” Somehow he found himself biting down on his lip as he said that, and his eyes fell on Castiel’s lips momentarily, before coming to meet his blue eyes.

“I won’t.” Cas murmured. He broke eye contact and leaned on Dean’s shoulder instead, averting his gaze elsewhere. “I like this song.” He closed his eyes, and a happy sigh left his mouth.

Def Leppard’s _Pour Some Sugar On Me_ was playing now on the radio. Dean found himself chuckling softly, and he took a long sip of his drink. “You do realise this song is about sex, right?” He suddenly felt nervous again, realising how physically close they were right now, and how he’d just brought up that subject, as if it was something so casual. Which it was, for Dean, usually. But for some reason he felt a little nervous even saying the word, wondering about how Cas would react.

“Oh.” Cas said quietly and silence ensued.

The station continued playing songs staying on the same theme, and one song played after the other, and the bottle of whiskey started getting emptier. Much later, AC/DC’s _You Shook Me All Night Long_ was playing on the radio, and Cas piped up, breaking the silence.

“Is this song about sex as well?”

“Yup.” Dean nodded, feeling slightly light headed from the drinks and noting a slight tingle of electricity in the atmosphere.

 “You really do appreciate the act, don’t you,” Cas said, meaning humans in general, not Dean specifically. A minute later he started giggling.

“Cas, are you drunk?”

“No, no.” Cas sat up straight and turned to look at Dean. “Maybe a little, take this away from me and don’t give me anymore.” He got up, placed his glass next to the radio on Dean’s bedside table, and then fell on Dean’s bed. “I’ll just stay here now.”

Dean was shaking his head, and chuckling. He looked up at Cas and saw him smiling happily, as he snuggled with the pillow. For a moment, their faces were dangerously close, and Dean’s gaze kept alternating between Castiel’s eyes and his lips. He licked his lips nervously, as the thought of just leaning forward and closing the gap between them crossed his mind, but the alcohol hadn’t quite affected him _that_ much, and he wasn’t feeling brave enough.

But before he could say or do anything, Cas brought his hand up and poked Dean’s nose, then said “Boop,” and chuckled to himself.

Dean glanced down with an annoyed expression on his face, as the mood had effectively been ruined. Then he grimaced, because he wasn’t trying to create a mood. So there was low lighting and music and drinks, but that didn’t mean anything. _It doesn’t mean anything_ , he tried to convince himself.

He was about to get up when from the corner of his eye he saw something move under the couch. His first instinct was to reach for the knife in his pocket; then he realised it wasn’t there. He reached under his pillow to grab his gun, his hand brushing Castiel’s arm briefly as he did so.

“What-”

“I think I saw something.” Dean whispered and turned to look at Cas. “Shh,”

He took a few steps closer, pointing his gun in all directions, as he was unsure where to aim. Before he could get any closer, he heard scratching and stopped in his tracks. A minute later, a big rat run from under the couch and towards the kitchenette.

“What the fuck?!” he shouted loudly. “That’s a fucking rat, Jesus Christ, that’s fucking gross.”

Castiel was still in bed, observing the situation. “Oh. It’s a rat? And you thought it was a monster?” he snickered, unable to help himself.

That earned him a glare from Dean. “Don’t laugh, get up and pack. We’re getting a new room.”

Cas grumbled in response, but got up and did as he was told anyway. Dean told him to go wait at the car while he took care of the situation.

“Hi, how can I help you with?” a friendly woman at the reception spoke as he walked in.

“Yeah, there was a _rat_ in our room.” Dean’s annoyance was evident in his voice and his expression. “So we’re gonna need to check out now.” He squinted his eyes, smiling insincerely.

“Oh dear, I’m terribly sorry about that. Would you like another room or a refund?”

Dean took the option of the refund, and thanked the woman before walking out. In the Impala, Cas was listening to the radio as he waited, still happily buzzing from the effects of the alcohol. When Dean finally came back, he was confused as he started the engine and pulled out of the parking.

“I don’t understand, where are we going?”

“Where do you think? Another motel.” Dean said, sounding impatient. “A better one, hopefully.”

“Because of a rat?” Cas was positively confused.

“Rats started the plague, Cas!”

Silence fell after that, but shortly they’d reached the nearest motel, and Castiel insisted on making the booking and paying for the room himself.

“I’m sorry, I’m afraid we’ve only got double beds available.” The man behind the counter informed them apologetically. “Would that be okay?”

“No, well-”

“Yeah, that’s fine.” Castiel answered and promptly paid the man. He turned to see Dean looking at him with a bemused expression on his face. “What?” Cas asked so quietly, almost mouthing the question.

Dean was still surprised at how utterly unfazed Cas seemed to be at the idea of sharing a bed with Dean. As in, sleeping with him. In the same bed. Perhaps he was making a big deal out of nothing, but he couldn’t shake the thought off even as they walked in the room and Cas immediately dropped his things on the floor and practically dived on the bed.

“Mm, very comfy.” He spread out his entire body on the bed, enjoying the space. “You can sleep on the floor.”

“Oh, alright,” Dean replied, as if suddenly realising why Cas had so casually accepted the idea of a double bed.

“Dean, I’m only joking!” Cas smiled widely at him. “Get in here, you _assbutt_.”

“You’re the assbutt…” Dean frowned, barely forming a coherent response. “Assbutt.”

He went to the bathroom for a quick shower, and came out dressed in a faded t-shirt and his boxers. Cas was already in bed, half naked and yawning sleepily. After a moment of hesitation, Dean pulled the covers and climbed into bed, still making sure to keep his distance. This was a just little out of his comfort zone.

Especially because it was Cas who he was sleeping next to.

“Goodnight, Dean,” Castiel opened his eyes fully and looked at the hunter. A small smile played on his lips, and his whole expression was somehow softer, gentler. He was now feeling sober again, but his heart was beating so fast, and he was feeling so happy, to be sleeping next to Dean. He studied the man’s face for a minute, and then closed his eyes, to make sure that was the last image in his mind before he fell asleep.

Dean couldn’t help but smile back. “’Night, Cas.” He murmured softly, keeping his gaze fixated on Cas. Before he knew it though, he’d drifted off to a deep, dreamless sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

****

Morning came and Dean woke up as the sunlight crept through the curtains and hit his eyes, making him squint. He became familiar with his surroundings again, then realised the warmth of another body next to him.

He glanced down and noticed that during the night, somehow, Cas had shifted closer to him, and wrapped his arm over Dean’s waist.

Strangely, he didn’t try to get out of bed, or even move Castiel’s arm, or anything. No matter how weird it was, according to his logic, it felt nice, and he felt overwhelmed with a feeling of warmth in his chest. So he stayed in bed, and watched Cas, an arm behind his head and a small smile on his lips.

Castiel’s eyes fluttered open a long while later, and the first thing he saw was Dean’s deep green eyes staring at him. He let out a soft murmur, and rolled over on his back, stretching and yawning.

“’Morning,” Dean sighed happily.

“Good morning, Dean. Did you sleep well?” Cas rolled back on his side and looked up at Dean. “I sure did.”

“I did too.”

Castiel’s eyes shut again. “I’m not getting out of bed.” He pulled the covers over his shoulder and buried himself in them.

Which was a shame, because Dean was enjoying the view of a semi-nude Castiel.

“Well, it’s your day off, you deserve to rest.” Dean said as he got out of bed and walked over to the couch to pick up his jeans. Castiel had opened his eyes and they were following Dean across the room, specifically paying attention to how the fabric of his boxers clung so closely to his body.

“I really do.” Cas tried to fall asleep again, but found himself opening his eyes every so often, and watching Dean, who was now sitting in bed, pie in one hand and a fork in another, shoving it in his mouth hurriedly.

“Love me some pie,” he muttered under his breath as he kept eating.

Cas chuckled at the hunter. “Save me some, okay?”

When he came back from the bathroom, the pie was gone, and Dean was making indescribable faces trying to excuse himself. All Cas did was roll his eyes and tell Dean that he owed him another one.

They went out for breakfast, then Cas wanted to stop at the library to return some books and get some new ones, which only took him about an hour and half, and by noon they were back at the motel room.

All the while they were together, Cas wasn’t hesitant to touch Dean. Whether it was a soft slap to turn Dean’s face away while they were bickering and laughing during breakfast, or grabbing his arm to drag him to the various sections of the library he wanted to explore, or in the car on the way back when he thanked Dean for taking him to the library, and just reached out, running his hand through Dean’s hair, and softly brushing the back of his neck as he pulled away his hand.

Not to mention how physically close he had been to Dean in bed, practically cuddling with him, and he hadn’t even reacted to it, as if it was something completely normal.

Dean felt tense every time. He thought of it all being entirely bizarre, and he was even more puzzled by the fact that Cas didn’t seem to care at all, as if it didn’t mean anything. After giving it a lot of thought, he’d just decided that Castiel was never any good at keeping his distance, and never understood the concept of personal space, and maybe, now that he was human, his affectionate side was coming out naturally to him.

Dean was happy with the conclusion he had reached.

When really, Cas touched Dean because he wanted to. Because he didn’t see any reason not to, unless Dean protested.

And Dean didn’t.

More than anything, Dean was afraid to admit to himself that he enjoyed the contact. Instead he just pushed down any feeling Castiel’s hand sparked, and denied it, even to himself.

The afternoon rolled in and found them both sprawled out on the double bed, empty pizza boxes on the floor, curtains drawn shut to block out the sunlight and the TV playing one bad daytime show after the other.

They watched and ate, spending the whole afternoon lazily lying in bed, flipping through the channels, commenting on the various shows and hosts and actors, occasionally starting a heated argument, though it was never aggressive or hurtful.

“It’s a legit medical show!”

“It’s just a lot of nurses and doctors and interns kissing each other! It’s a drama show, and a bad one at that.”

Dean crossed his arms across his chest, and groaned, disgruntled. He was being too defensive, but he wouldn’t just sit there and let Cas criticise his favourite show, and definitely not Dr. Sexy.

Cas, noticing how Dean had not replied, sighed, and sat up, turning to look at the man straight in the eyes.

“What?” Dean sounded snarky and quite mad, too.

“I didn’t mean to upset you, Dean.” Cas’ voice was soft, his expression even softer, and a hint of a smile playing on his lips. He reached over and run his hand through Dean’s hair again, messing it up.

“I’m not upset.” Dean rolled his eyes, and looked away.

“Okay, good.” Cas sat back again, and changed the channel to a cooking program, and focused on it. A second later he felt a weight on his shoulder as Dean rested his head on it, and grinned, enjoying Dean’s childish attitude.

By nightfall, they had fallen asleep together, almost on each other, arms tangled, a head meeting a shoulder, and another one against the hard bed post, in very uncomfortable positions.

It was Castiel who woke up first, feeling groggy and tired, and somehow escaped Dean’s grasp on him and got up. Suddenly, everything hurt; his head felt heavy and his vision was blurry for a second, his neck and back were stiff, and his arm felt numb. He cursed under his breath as he went to the bathroom and washed his face to wake himself up.

It was nearly eight o’clock, and the sun had long set, taking any hint of daylight down with it. Cas thought about taking a shower for a minute or two, unsure if he could stand up for long enough to do so; he was tempted to get back in bed and snuggle up to Dean again. Then he stripped out of his clothes and jumped in the shower, his common sense taking over for once.

When he came out, Dean was still asleep. He smiled to himself, and went over to the bed, nudging Dean slightly to wake him up. The hunter woke up with a jolt, and sat up, immediately familiarising himself with his surroundings to make sure there was nothing wrong; they weren’t in danger. Then he turned his head and saw the hand on his shoulder, and looked up to see Cas beaming at him.

“It’s eight o’clock. I thought it might be a good idea to wake up now?”

Dean didn’t reply immediately, getting lost in the man’s deep blue depths, then registering that he was naked again, and positively wet from the shower. He snapped out of it, and nodded in reply.

“Yeah, good thinking.”

Dean decided to take a shower himself, and when he came out, Cas was dressed in jeans, a plain white t-shirt and a hoodie over it, looking so incredibly…human.

Not to mention incredibly… gorgeous.

He smiled when Dean walked in the room, and blue met green again. “Let’s go for a walk.”

  
  



	10. Chapter 10

The Impala roared loudly as it raced along the motorway, passing by houses, bars, gas stops, and everything in between. Dean was speeding, and he knew it, and his mind wasn’t even completely focused on the road, but he wasn’t patient enough to drive slowly. The drive was a terribly long one, and without someone in the passenger seat, he got bored, so he tried to reduce the journey time as much as possible.

He wished he wasn’t on the road already, heading back to Kansas, but Sam had left a couple of voice mails about some case or some demon and something about angels. He wasn’t even sure he understood. But he knew he had to get back, and he had things to do, responsibilities. And anyway, when he’d waken up Cas was already in his uniform, a cup of coffee in his hand and rubbing his eyes sleepily; getting himself alert for a long day at work.

They’d spent most of the night walking around the city, and it was weird for Dean; he was so used to driving everywhere. But Cas took him for a tour around town, and they headed down to the centre and walked past the river, stopped at the water fountain in front of the city hall. Then they’d got hot dogs from a fast food stand, and afterwards Cas had got himself a big bag of cotton candy from the carnival they’d stumbled upon.

“Here, have the rest, I don’t want it.” Cas had said as he’d handed the candy to Dean, feeling sick of the sweet taste. Dean didn’t particularly like cotton candy, but Cas had practically force-fed him. Still, he hadn’t complain. Not even when half an hour later Cas had bought himself a bag of liquorice.

All Dean did was roll his eyes at him. “You have a real sweet tooth, Cas.”

All Cas did in response was frown in confusion.

They didn’t go on any rides, they just walked around the carnival, and Cas just found himself observing the people and the children, smiling to himself. A feeling of contentedness filled him, overwhelming him. Then he’d turned and looked at Dean, who had been staring at the crowd with a frown on his face.

“Would you like one?” Cas extended his hand, holding out a sweet and sour strawberry worm.

“No, thanks.”

Cas had gone and pushed the liquorice against Dean’s mouth anyway, not giving up until Dean had reluctantly taken a bite of the candy, biting Cas’ finger as well. Cas had just laughed at him.

They’d stumbled back to the motel room hours later, after getting too exhausted from walking around. It was past midnight, and Dean was looking for the key in his pocket, when a hand on his arm spun him around and he found himself being wrapped in Castiel’s arms, locking around him tightly. Instinctively, Dean found his own arms enfolding around Cas, who had buried his face on the nape of Dean’s neck and held on to him for a good minute, before letting go.

Dean had stumbled backwards, blinking with surprise at Cas, who was smiling at him in return.

“What?” Cas had asked quietly, studying Dean’s features, and immediately realising how unexpected his gesture had been.

“Um, just-” Dean trailed off, unsure of what to say. A playful smile appeared on Castiel’s lips, almost like the kind of smile crazy Cas had, Dean thought to himself. Before he could say anything, Cas spoke up again.

“Did I overstep my boundaries again?”

Dean glanced elsewhere for a second, realising that he was almost blushing, before meeting Castiel’s gaze again. “No, not at all.”

They walked into the room and fell on the big comfy bed, and the radio started playing again, and it played happy songs from the ‘60’s. Cas was fast asleep, but Dean had found himself watching him, and he didn’t hesitate to edge closer to him, so much that he could feel the warmth of another body sleeping next to him. He fell asleep slowly, almost as if he was refusing to let sleep get hold of him, but it did, eventually.

And in the morning, the same routine. He’d dropped Cas off, they’d mumbled reluctant ‘goodbyes’ and Dean had driven off, already speeding to stop himself from being tempted to stay. After being with Cas for the last two days, and all the time they’d spent together, it was so hard to get back on the road.

Once on the road, though, he didn’t stop until he had crossed the state border, and after that he’d only stopped a few times to get something to eat or refill his baby. In fifteen hours, he’d arrived at the Men of Letters bunker.

It was late at night, and he expected Sam and Kevin to be asleep, so Dean kept quiet and made his way straight to his room. The light in the library was on, though, and he wandered in the room to find Sam sitting in front of his laptop.

“Hey, Sam, what’s up?”

Sam looked up only for a brief second. “Did you get my messages? About the… case?”

“Yeah, I got them. What were you on about?” Dean dropped his bag on the floor and took a seat, lifting his feet up to rest them on the table. He was beyond tired, and all he wanted was to get some sleep.

Sam could tell how exhausted Dean was; he hesitated for a moment before speaking.

“About the angels. The tablet. I think I found someone who may be able to help us.” He looked straight at Dean, waiting to read his expression.

Dean yawned loudly, and only seemed half-interested. “Alright, we’ll set off in the morning.”

Sam took a long look at his brother as Dean started walking out of the room. He considered for a second how he was going to bring himself to tell Dean, then, as if to distract himself, he started shaking his head, smiling. “So is this gonna be a thing now?”

“What is?”

“You and Cas?” Sam paused for a second before elaborating. “I mean, you visiting him every so often.”

“Well, maybe, what’s it to you?” Dean sounded annoyed.

“You said he was keeping his distance. I assumed it was from both of us.” Sam sounded more serious now, because it was something that he had actually given a lot of thought. “But apparently, it’s just from me.”

Dean felt a pang of guilt hit him, as he remembered the lie he’d told his brother. He pulled a face, as if to say, he didn’t know what was going on, as his mind fought to come up with an excuse. “Yeah well, I’m just…I just wanna make sure the guy’s okay, you know?”

Sam nodded, still unsure what was going on. Something didn’t quite feel right, but he decided to let it go and see what happens. “So it’d be alright if I came along next time?” he said jokingly as a grin grew on his lips.

Dean’s facial expression turned into a scornful one, then he squinted his eyes, and shrugged his shoulders, before finally turning his back on Sam and walking out of the room, failing to come up with a response.

In the library, Sam chuckled to himself as he closed his laptop and made his way to his own bedroom.


	11. Chapter 11

Sam was in the library, casually browsing the Internet for anything unusual, and waiting for Dean to get up. Dean didn’t get out of bed before ten. When he did, he was surprised to see that Sam wasn’t ready to set off to find the person who was supposed to help them with the tablet.

Sam sighed, already feeling a little guilty about the small lie he’d told his brother the night before.

“That wasn’t all true, what I said,” he began, but paused to carefully pick his words. “Kevin and I talked to Crowley. We got him to translate the footnotes. Turns out he could speak the language.”

Dean looked at Sam expectantly. “And? What did you find out?”

“Dean…the spell is irreversible.” Sam spoke quietly. “Metatron has locked the angels out of heaven…for good.”

He wasn’t expecting Dean to react the way he did. At first it was all failed attempts of denying what he was told, claiming Crowley was lying, saying maybe Metatron did know a way of reversing a spell but hadn’t written it down, coming up with the idea that maybe if they got Castiel’s grace back, who knows, the spell could be reversed.

The rest of the afternoon Dean spent it buried in books and old diaries from the Men of Letters library, looking for information on the Internet, calling up old contacts. He was gone, completely lost in the sea of information, and Dean felt like he was drowning in it, sinking deeper and deeper. There was nothing that could be done, nothing that would help the situation.

Sam had never seen Dean so desperate.

He was sitting with his head on the table, and had been in that position for a good half hour now. Dean was feeling absolutely lost, and he didn’t want to have to ask the angel for help, but he had to anyway.

“Zeke.” He said out loud and a moment later Sam appeared in the library.

Except it wasn’t Sam at all; Dean could tell by his posture.

“You called, Dean?” Ezekiel spoke in a low voice.

Dean nodded. “Do you know anything at all about the angel tablet? Or Metatron’s spell? Or…anything.” It was evident in his voice, how lost he felt.

Ezekiel was shaking his head. “No, I don’t, I’m sorry. Only Metatron could answer your questions.”

“Do you know anyone who would know something about it?”

Ezekiel shook his head in response, and Dean nodded. That concluded their conversation, and Ezekiel walked back to Sam’s bedroom, lying down and closing his eyes, but not before he’d erased the memory from Sam’s mind.

By night time, Dean had given up. He was still in the library, but now he was working on the task of finishing the bottle of whiskey he’d found in the bar.

“I’m sorry, Dean.” Sam said quietly as he approached him.

Dean shrugged as he poured another glass for himself, and one for Sam. Silence followed for a brief moment, before Sam spoke up again, asking him if he was going to tell Cas.

“Probably. At some point. I don’t know, man.”

Dean emptied the bottle and mumbled ‘goodnight’ to Sam, before walking to his room and collapsing down on his bed. He laid sprawled out on the bed for a moment, before the text alert from his phone distracted his thoughts.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and smiled as he read the name flashing on his screen.

 

Cas texted Dean every day since he’d last seen him.

He was busy working at the store, picking up extra shifts and working the weekend as well, to earn more and save more, to be able to keep his motel room. The last thing he wanted was to end up on the street again, homeless, and hunted.

At nights, though, he’d lay in bed and reach for his phone, and see the little notification flashing, indicating he had a new message. Or when it wasn’t there, he’d type in something quick and text Dean first. They didn’t really have proper conversations, but they talked about their day, and how they were, what was happening, and such.

It had been two weeks since Dean’s last visit, though, and Cas was starting to miss him terribly. It wasn’t easy, to be away from him. Somehow, whenever he visited, Cas got used to having him around, and it seemed like that was the default way, how things should be, and now it was stranger to be away from Dean than it had been to have him around.

Cas was lying in his bed, in complete darkness, the radio by his bedside quietly playing old melancholic songs. His phone was in his hands, and he was staring at the bright screen, re-reading the last text he’d received from Dean. It wasn’t a particularly interesting one, but Cas attempted to reply several times before he actually typed the words and hit send.

After all, he wasn’t going to sit around, missing Dean, and not let the guy know.

In Kansas, Dean smiled to himself as he read the text. Nerves and excitement overwhelmed him, and he placed his phone face-down on his bed before replying, to let Cas know, that yeah, he missed him too.

Within twenty four hours, he was in Idaho again.

When he reached the motel, and found Castiel’s room, he looked through the window and saw nothing but darkness, which confirmed his assumption that Cas had fallen asleep; they’d been texting all throughout the day, even when Dean was driving to visit him again, although he was careful. But Cas had stopped replying to Dean’s text a few hours ago, and Dean didn’t blame him.

It was four in the morning, and he really didn’t want to wake Cas up. He thought about it for a second before reaching for his lock-picking tools and deciding that maybe it was a terrible idea, but it was better than waking up Cas.

The sound of the door opening managed to wake Cas up anyway.

Castiel jolted awake, and jumped up, immediately reaching out for his blade and turning his bedside lamp on to shed some light in the room. He dropped the blade when he saw Dean at the doorframe, hand on the doorknob and grinning sheepishly.

“Oops. Sorry.”

Cas was shocked to say the least; he found himself unsure whether to be mad at Dean or just be happy that he was there. He rolled his eyes and climbed back in bed, switching the light off again, and not uttering a single word in response.

Dean closed the door, thinking to himself that he’d screwed up. He was too tired to do anything else though, so he stripped out of his clothes and climbed in bed, mimicking Cas as he laid with his back turned against the former angel.

Not a minute later, Dean felt an arm snake around him, and Cas press his body up against him his breath warm against Dean’s neck.

“I’m really glad you’re here.” Castiel murmured softly close to his ear.

“Me too, Cas.”


	12. Chapter 12

 

When Dean woke up very late the next morning, Cas was gone. The room was still dark, and the key was on the table next to the bed. Dean reached out for his phone to see it was flashing with a new text message. It was Cas, letting him know he was at work, and that he’d be back in the evening.

Then there was another message. _‘Feel free to visit.’_

Dean didn’t.

He went out to get some breakfast, and bought some food to take back to the motel, then spent the day driving around, trying to distract himself from what was waiting to happen when Cas got back from work.

He took a long shower, turned on the TV for a while then turned it off, annoyed at the fact that nothing could take his mind off it. Eventually, Cas came back to the motel, only to find Dean with a beer in his hand, and loud rock music playing, overfilling the room as if there was no space for anything more.

Cas walked over to the radio and switched it off. He glanced at Dean, and immediately an alarm went off in his head; something was wrong, and he was sure of it. Dean hadn’t even said anything yet, but Cas read it in his eyes. He could read Dean like an open book. An unusual silence fell in the room, with the only sound being Dean’s footsteps pacing up and down, and the clock ticking as the minutes passed. Cas was sitting on the bed, watching Dean. The atmosphere was tense, worrying, suffocating. Eventually, Dean broke.

He sat next to Cas on the bed, and just let the words come out already; tell the truth and get it over with. Dean picked his words carefully, and he hesitated each and every time he was about to say something new. He repeated himself a lot, before finally Cas said his name, and his voice sounded impatient, and anxious. Finally Dean drew in a deep breath and told Cas about the angel tablet, and how they’d found out that Metatron’s spell was irreversible.

Cas remained silent.

The clock kept ticking and whole minutes passed, while Dean waited on the edge of his seat, waiting for a reaction, for Cas to snap, or break down, or just say something finally.

After what feels like forever for Dean, Cas spoke up.

“Are you sure?” he asked, in a low voice, any hints of emotion undetectable.

“Yeah.” Dean’s voice was coarse, heavy with emotion. “I’m sorry, man.”

Castiel’s mind was racing with thoughts as he considered the implications. The angels are locked out of heaven, permanently. Forever. With no way of getting them their home back. His own grace has been stolen from him, and that has left him without any powers to fight back. It’s as if he doesn’t completely understand what’s going on, as he gets up, tells Dean he’s going to take a shower, and heads for the bathroom.

Under the hot water, the same thoughts are playing in his mind. Locked out of heaven, forever. Not him, but his brothers and sisters. Because of him, there’s no denying that it’s his fault. He may tell himself he was tricked, but what was he doing trusting Metatron in the first place? Why did it seem a good idea to lock the angels _in_ heaven anyway?

He finishes the shower, dries himself up and gets dressed, and walks out to see Dean standing in the middle of the room, as if he was just waiting for Cas to come out.

“Cas…are you alright?” Dean sounded concerned, and his expression was soft, pity in his eyes.

It’s as if only then did the realisation hit Cas, and he broke down completely.

Immediately, Dean was by his side, taking him in his arms, humming comforting words, rubbing his back, and he was being so sweet, and so gentle, but Cas stepped back, unable to let himself be comforted. As if he didn’t deserve it, he didn’t think so.

He walked to the couch and sat down, burying his face in his hands as he let the tears stream down, and didn’t even try to stop the sobs from escaping his mouth.

After a few more attempts, Dean gave up at trying to comfort Cas. He knew that he couldn’t actually help, and anything he said was useless and meaningless. So he stepped back, and grabbed his keys, heading out.

Cas switched off the light after Dean left, and let himself get lost in the darkness. His sadness gave way to anger, more powerful than he’d ever felt before, but before he made any attempt to break out, he felt the disappointment taking over him, and regret, in himself, in his choices. He felt guilty for ever going down that path, for ever going against his orders, rebelling, falling.

When Dean returned nearly an hour later, Cas was feeling drained of all emotion. He’d been through all of them, and had finally been exhausted. When the door opened and Dean walked in, a weak smile formed on his lips and he watched Dean as he flipped on the light, and walked over to the table, placing a few grocery bags on it.

“Uh, I brought some pie. And some burgers. Thought you might be hungry.”

Cas got up from the bed and walked over to the man, immediately wrapping his arms around him, surprising him once again.

“Thank you, Dean.” He mumbled quietly before breaking their embrace.

Castiel’s eyes locked with Dean’s, who was, once again, at a loss for words. “What, the food? I just-”

“For everything.” Cas spoke up, interrupting him. His eyes studied Dean’s face for a moment, darting over his eyes, and eyebrows, falling on his lips, then returning to his eyes. They stood there for a long moment, like so many times before, looking into each other’s eyes. But this time, it was different. There was a small smile playing on Castiel’s lips, and it was almost playful, suggestive, hinting at something that Dean was failing to grasp. Cas read his expression, and his smile grew at Dean’s obvious confusion.

For the first time, Cas was hesitant, but he stepped forward, coming to be even closer to the hunter. He felt his heartbeat increase as he thought over and over about finally doing what he had wanted to for so long, and as he read Dean’s expression, he didn’t see anything that would stop him. Dean seemed a little lost, sure, but he was thinking the same thing Cas was, the same thought was in his mind as always when Cas was that close to him.

Then it happened, and it was quick – too quick for Dean to actually register that Cas had finally taken another step forward, and his hand was cupping Dean’s cheek, and their lips had met ever so gently, barely touching. But Castiel’s lips were warm and soft, and Dean had definitely felt them, even if his eyes were closed, even if it seemed like an illusion.

A brief moment later, Cas broke the kiss and stepped backward. He watched as Dean’s eyes fluttered open and smiled at the man’s dumbfounded expression.

“So, burgers?”

They sat on the bed together and ate while watching a movie on TV. Silence hung between them as Dean replayed the kiss in his mind. He found himself glancing at Cas every so often, and thought to himself, it couldn’t have happened, it must have been his imagination because Cas was sitting next to him, eating his burger and throwing in casual comments about the movie they were watching as if it was nothing at all.

But the touch of Cas’ lips against his still lingered, and it was almost like Dean could still feel it.

When they laid down to sleep, their backs weren’t turned against each other; this time they lay facing each other in the darkened room, and where nothing could be heard but the clock ticking and the odd car diving by outside.

“Cas…?” Dean started, but couldn’t finish his thought. There was no possible way he could phrase it without sounding at least a little bit pathetic.

Cas looked at him expectantly.

“Never mind,” Dean muttered as he rolled on his back, and faced the ceiling, choosing to focus his stare there, instead of letting himself get lost in Cas’ deep blue depths.

Then, Cas moved closer to him. He extended his hand and touched Dean’s face again, turning it towards himself and locking eyes with him again. Without a moment’s hesitation, he was leaning forward, and closing the gap between them again. This time, though, Dean responded; his arms went around Cas, pulling him closer to hold him tightly, as their lips locked together perfectly moved against each other. Cas smiled against Dean’s lips, and leaned backwards in an attempt to break for air, but not even a second later Dean’s mouth crashed against his and kissed him hungrily.

Maybe it was the heat of the moment, but all Dean was wondering at that moment was why the fuck had they not done that before, and how it didn’t feel weird at all, it felt all sorts of right and it was insanely hot.

They broke apart flushed, panting, eyes meeting again, smiles playing on their lips.

Dean groaned quietly as he realised it wasn’t the heat of the moment at all, and finally, maybe allowed himself to admit that he’d wanted to kiss Cas for so long now, he’d thought about the angel in ways that he couldn’t possibly ever speak of, but maybe now, the possibility that it wasn’t just friendship that they shared, but something much more than that, maybe, yeah, that would be okay too.

After all, Cas seemed okay with touching him, hugging him, snuggling him while they slept, and apparently, kissing him, so eagerly – like he’d been lost in the desert for days and Dean was the oasis he’d been looking for.

“Dean,” Cas said, in that low, hoarse voice of his, wondering what was going through Dean’s mind.

And that one syllable, that’s all it took. Dean was lost.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> umm i feel like this chapter has some blank spots or something but it'll be cleared up later promise xx


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please keep in mind that i wrote this chapter before 9x09 aired.   
> also, there's no dean or cas whatsoever in this chapter, sorry about that<3  
> anyway, read on:)

 

Sam didn’t have a specific destination in mind as he journeyed in the empty streets in the city, mostly driving around, passing through the same roads. It was very early in the morning, and he hadn’t got any sleep during the night; the sun was now only rising, and even though he loved watching the sunrise, he couldn’t enjoy it.

His mind was clouded with dark thoughts. For a few nights now, he couldn’t help but feel that something was wrong – with him, with Dean, with everything. He couldn’t figure it out. He’d laid out all the pieces of the puzzle yet somehow the picture never turned out to be something comprehensible. It was just a mess with bits of information here and there – and they didn’t even fit a certain pattern.

At some point, he’d given up on trying to sleep, borrowed one of the cars from the garage and left a brief note for Kevin and Dean – unsure whether he’d be back before Dean finally returned from having visited Cas yet again.

Now he was headed towards the motorway, as he felt the need to speed up and he didn’t care for the traffic that had started busying the city. He knew, deep down, he shouldn’t have been driving at all, he was in no mind set, he couldn’t focus on the road.

The last time he’d attempted to ask Dean what was going on was a few days ago when Dean was buried deep in books, trying to find some information about reversing the spell that cast the angels out of heaven. Dean had been in a terrible mood, but he’d looked up at Sam, eyes heavy with distress, and he’d simply told Sam, “Ask me another time.”

Sam wasn’t mad at him. He didn’t know why his brother was acting strange lately, but he assumed maybe it was something to do with Cas. Then he’d focus on the fact that he himself was acting strangely as well.

One minute he’d feel just fine, he’d sleep well and wake up in the morning and go for a jog, feeling better than he had in ages. Then during a hunt, he’d be knocked out cold so easily, and afterwards he’d feel so weak, and tired. He didn’t usually miss out on the big showdown of any hunt, but lately that’s all he seemed to be doing. And then, Dean, of course, had already defeated the big bad monster by the time he’d wake up.

Sam let out a long yawn and let his eyes close for a moment, before realising that he was still behind the wheel, speeding on the highway, and he snapped himself awake. He forced himself to keep focused on the road, first to figure out where he was headed, and then to find a coffee shop or diner of some sort, get some caffeine in his system to help him stay awake.

After another hour, he slowed down as he noticed a small coffee shop adjacent to a gas station, and then parked to the empty field next to it. As he walked in, he briefly darted his eyes across the room then headed to the counter and ordered a strong black coffee to go. While he waiting for his order, he glanced around again, and just as he was about to pick up his cup and pay, he did a double take; his eyes must have been deceiving him, he must have been hallucinating. Or maybe it was a look-alike. 

Sam thanked the barista and paid for his drink, then headed straight for the corner booth in the far edge of the café, and stood there staring, unblinking.

“Gabriel?”

Gabriel looked up, startled. “Oh shit,”

The look on Sam’s face was of utter bewilderment. “You were dead! Lucifer killed you!” he paused for a second. “Why are you not dead?” he questioned, and his voice echoed how dumbfounded he looked.

Gabriel pulled the newspaper he was reading towards his face, as if hiding behind it. He didn’t answer – as if somehow that would make Sam go away and stop asking questions. But the interrogation had just started.

It took a moment for Sam to realise that he wasn’t hallucinating, that this was actually happening. He sat down across the booth and swatted the newspaper away to be met with Gabriel’s eyes viciously glaring at him.

“I was resurrected.”

“What? How? By who?” Sam had so many questions, and the archangel didn’t seem amused.

At all.

“I don’t know.” Gabriel answered dryly as kept his eyes on the newspaper.

“Why didn’t you let us know…you know?”

Gabriel shot him another look. “What did you want me to do? Text you? ‘I’m not dead. Let’s have dinner?’”

Sam bit back a smile. “How long have you been alive? What have you been doing all this time?” Sam sounded so enthusiastic, as if he’d just met his favourite celebrity, and he couldn’t help but ask one question after the other, to satisfy his curiosity. “Have you been hiding from the angels?”

Gabriel put the newspaper down and looked at Sam, shooting him another glare. Then his expression changed; his brows knitted together in confusion, and there was a hint of concern in his eyes. He wasn’t sure who he was looking at, because externally, it was Sam Winchester, but internally – it was a mess inside. Yet, he kept his thoughts to himself and addressed Sam’s questions instead.

“I don’t know who brought me back, all I know is that one moment I was dead and the next I was standing over myself, looking at my own ashes. Yes, I have been hiding from the angels. I’ve been laying low. I’m not getting involved in that chaos you call Heaven anymore.”

Sam nodded, listening eagerly to Gabriel’s monologue. Then a thought occurred to him.

“Hang on, were you cast out of Heaven too?”

Gabriel rolled his eyes. “Metatron’s spell doesn’t affect archangels.” He said simply, still studying Sam, concerned with what he was seeing.

“So you know about the angels falling.” Sam nodded, mostly to himself, as if registering in his mind all that was happening, all the new information.

“I’ve been keeping up with the current news.”

“So you know everything that’s happened? I mean, since you died?”

“Pretty much. Been keeping an eye on things.”

Silence ensued for a second, as Sam tried to keep up with what was happening, and trying very hard to believe that Gabriel was actually alive and in his old vessel too, sitting across him, a series of empty milkshake glasses next to the folded newspaper.

“Does that mean you-?”

Sam was interrupted as realisation dawned on Gabriel, and he finally recognised the angel who was hiding inside Sam.

“Ezekiel.”

“What? Who’s-?” Sam was interrupted yet again as his eyes flashed bright blue and Ezekiel took over; his entire posture changed, and when he spoke, his voice sounded deeper and graver. “Gabriel. I’m surprised to see you alive.”

A smirk appeared on Gabriel’s mouth. “I could say the same about you.”

When Sam woke up next, he woke up gasping for air, unable to breathe. He found himself lying on the ground in an empty field he didn’t recognise; it definitely wasn’t the one next to the coffee shop. Yet, his vision was blurry and he felt pain all over his body; every inch of his existence seemed to be breaking, shattering _, hurting._ He felt a more intense and searing pain in his chest and he looked down to see an angel blade had pierced right through him and his shirt was stained with his blood. Next he recognised the man standing over him to be Gabriel. He didn’t understand what was happening, but it all felt like a bad dream – except Sam knew it wasn’t, and he was sure he was dying.

His vision darkened, but still he saw Gabriel kneel down next to him, and pull out the blade from his chest, and the last thing he remembered seeing was a bright, powerful white light encompassing him, then he closed his eyes and was unconscious.

Gabriel placed a hand on Sam’s forehead, and realised that Sam was burning hot; he’d healed the wound he’d caused by stabbing him – although it was Ezekiel he’d intended to kill, not Sam – but there was something wrong with Sam, still. He could see past the body, and into the soul.

“What was it that broke you so badly, Sam?” he wondered quietly to himself, realising that Sam’s soul was still broken, damaged beyond repair. It was as if it had shattered to a million pieces, and damaged Sam’s body along in the process; his organs were failing, his heart was barely beating, and his brain wasn’t managing to keep up.

Gabriel watched him for a minute, concern clouding his eyes, and he wasn’t sure he could actually heal Sam, even if a few minutes earlier he’d assured Ezekiel that he was capable of doing it. Still, he placed both hands on Sam’s cheeks, and his Grace shone through his vessel, lighting up the entire field and healing Sam completely, physically, spiritually, on every level that he’d been damaged – as well as managing to break the windows of a few old cars which were parked nearby.

The next time Sam woke up, he found himself in even stranger surroundings; he was lying down on a big, comfortable bed, but as soon as he opened his eyes, he sat up with a panicked jump. He looked over to Gabriel, who was sitting in a big armchair next to the bed, his feet placed on the bed and, a book in one hand and a big red lollipop in the other.

“’Morning, sunshine,” he said with a bright smile, as if all that was completely normal. “Uh, sorry about the hair.”

Sam had an indescribable expression on his face; a mixture of surprise, confusion, and horror. He dragged a hand through his hair and felt what could only be described as random little braids all over his head. He looked at Gabriel again, tilting his head in even more confusion.

Gabriel looked defensive. “What? You were passed out a long time. I got bored.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gah, i feel bad for writing ezekiel as a bad guy right now (even though i hated him before 9x09)   
> but eh well i couldn't be bothered to change it, plus i didn't want to write gadreel as the bad guy, plus i like this chapter  
> hope no one's disappointed^^
> 
> (i couldn't resist *borrowing* that perfect line from sherlock, sorry)


	14. Chapter 14

 

“I need a drink.”

Gabriel snapped his fingers and a mini bar appeared against the empty wall of the room.

“Help yourself.”

Sam grabbed a bottle of what looked like very expensive whiskey. He hesitated for a second before opening it and taking a big sip straight from the bottle.

“Whoa, easy there.”

Sam shot him a glare; he couldn’t wrap his head around what had happened. All that Gabriel had told him was that an angel named Ezekiel was possessing him, and for some reason he had killed him.

“It doesn’t make sense. First of all, I thought angels needed a person’s consent before they can possess them. And how come I had no idea whatsoever? I mean – I’ve been going on hunts and just – living normally, you know? Why would an angel possess me and then just let me do whatever I want?”

Gabriel rolled his eyes; he didn’t have the patience to explain everything to Sam, even though he didn’t really know much of the story. “All I can tell you, is that Ezekiel made a deal with Dean and took over your body to heal you. Or at least, that’s what he told your brother. But he was just using you as a vessel. Probably scheming something, that little shit.” Gabriel noticed the sadness in Sam’s eyes, how he was sitting there on the bed, feeling sorry for himself. Suddenly, his voice softened as he continued talking. “You were pretty messed up, Sam. Whatever it was that did that to you, it nearly killed you.”

Sam was looking at Gabriel with a dejected expression on his face. “I’m alive now.” He said quietly, almost to himself.

“And I don’t even get a thanks.” Gabriel looked away and focused on his book again.

A small smile grew on Sam’s lips, and he looked almost sheepish. “Thanks.”

Gabriel shrugged his shoulders in response. A few moments of silence followed but it was soon interrupted by Sam again.

“Why did you kill him?”

Gabriel looked at him with his most sarcastic expression. “You know what I like about you? Your curiosity.”

“Sorry,” Sam said, grinning, not sorry at all. “Come on, really though.”

“Personal reasons.”

Sam snorted in response but dropped the subject. He asked for Gabriel to take him back to the coffee shop, and with a snap of his fingers, Gabriel transferred them both to the parking lot where Sam had parked his car.

“You good to drive?”

Sam looked at his own reflection in the window of the car. “Yeah. I’m good.” He said and then turned around to thank Gabriel again, but he was nowhere to be found. Sam sighed, got in the car, and made for the bunker.

 

When Dean arrived at the bunker a day later, Sam was nowhere to be found, and the bunker was dead silent except for the occasional angry shouting coming from Kevin’s room. Dean attempted to knock on his door and got no response; so he walked in instead and started to ask Kevin something, but was interrupted.

“I’m busy!”

Dean looked taken aback by Kevin, who was heavily engrossed in a game, and seemed to snap at it and shout profanities from time to time.

“O-okay,” Dean turned on his heel and left the room, closing the door behind him.

He walked around the bunker, checked the library, the kitchen, the bathroom, Sam’s room; nothing. Anxiety started taking over him as he pulled out his phone and dialled Sam’s first number, then his second, then his third. Sam wasn’t picking up.

Dean was positively panicking now. He kept pacing up and down in the library, running his hands through his hair, as the worst thoughts kept running through his head. Sam was gone, he didn’t know how to find him, and he didn’t know what could have made up get up and leave without notice. And even worse, what if Ezekiel had gone up and left and taken Sam with him?

Amidst all his anxiety and worry, the opening tunes of _Hey Jude_ started playing and for a second Dean was so lost in his thoughts, he didn’t realise that his phone was ringing; somehow he’d heard the song as if from a distance, something peaceful among all those terrible thoughts swimming in his head. His phone was vibrating in his pocket though, and snapped him back to reality as he hurriedly pulled it out, thinking maybe Sam was calling him. Instead, Cas’ name flashed across the screen.

“Hello, Dean.” Cas’ voice sounded through the speaker, a deep voice as usual, but with a definite hint of cheerfulness in it.

“Hey, Cas, what’s up?”

“Nothing really. I missed you, so,” Cas said, the smile evident in his voice.

“I’ve only just left.” Dean found himself smiling, too.

“It’s been hours actually.”

Dean didn’t answer, and silence followed for a few minutes.

“Did you get home alright?”

“Cas.” Dean’s voice almost broke as he uttered the word. He wasn’t sure whether there was any point in trying to hide what had happened from Cas – only because he didn’t want to pile on the guy, he had problems of his own, anyway, Dean thought to himself. But he couldn’t pretend he was okay, not now.

Cas sensed the fear in Dean’s voice immediately. “What’s wrong, Dean?”

Dean hesitated. After he’d told Castiel about the spell being irreversible, and after the complete and utter breakdown he’d had about it, they hadn’t really spoken about it. He wasn’t sure how Cas was handling the news, because first there had been other things keeping them busy that night, but even when he’d asked Cas how he was feeling the next morning, Cas had simply replied, “I’m okay,” and smiled briefly at him.

Dean wasn’t sure if Cas was indeed okay, or if there was something wrong, but he’d seemed to be in a good mood that morning, at least before they’d said goodbye outside the Gas ‘n Sip. Sitting in the Impala, heavy silence had fallen between them since neither of them wanted to actually say goodbye and go their separate ways. Not again. Not after the revelations of the night before, and how they’d stayed up most of the night, talking, kissing, and giggling like teenagers. Cas had leaned in to kiss him goodbye, but Dean had turned his cheek instead, still having some hesitations about doing that in public. There was so much he needed to clear in his head, and he knew that he wouldn’t feel comfortable revealing to anyone the new developments in their relationship.

Then they’d finally uttered the words, and Cas had left the car, feeling absolutely crestfallen as he’d crossed the street and made his way to the shop. He’d glanced back for a moment before entering through the front door, and they’d shared a brief look, and then Dean had driven off.

“Dean? What’s happened?” Castiel started getting worried, thinking to himself that he was about to hear more terrible news.

“Sammy’s gone,” Dean’s voice croaked as he said it, and he was unable to stop the tears welling up in his eyes. “He’s gone, Cas, I don’t know where he is, I’m going crazy with worry, I just-”

Cas sighed deeply. “Dean, calm down, please. How long ago did he leave?”

“I don’t know, I have no idea. I just got back like an hour ago and he wasn’t here and-” Dean took a deep breath and looked at the ceiling for a moment, trying to calm himself down. It didn’t help.

Cas closed his eyes, inhaled deeply, and felt that uncomfortable feeling rise within him, something he could only describe as distress; it upset him to hear Dean so afraid, worried, and…fragile. He wished he still had his wings, and could just fly off and be in the bunker within a minute, be by his side, comfort him, help him look for Sam, look after him.

Dean wished the same.

There was a strange beeping in the call, and Dean looked at his screen’s phone to see the notification of a new voicemail. Hurriedly, he apologised to Cas, said he’d call him back later, and hang up, to listen to the voicemail. Relief washed over him as he heard Sam’s voice.

“Hey Dean, it’s me. I saw you called me, and I just wanted to say don’t worry, okay? I’ve just taken some time off everything. Kinda needed to get away. So anyway, I’ll be back in a few days. And I repeat – don’t worry. I’m fine.” There was a brief pause before Sam continued. “Right. See you.”

Dean stared at his phone in disbelief, then pressed the redial button to listen to the voicemail again. At least it was a good sign. At least Sam was fine, and he wasn’t kidnapped by Ezekiel. Dean wondered what had happened to make Sam get up and leave without saying anything. Then he cursed himself for not being around more, for having left his brother alone and gone off to Idaho – and he’d been gone at least three days.

He made his way to the bedroom and changed into his comfy pyjamas, and not long after he had got comfortable in bed, he found his phone and dialled Castiel’s number again.

“Hey, Cas.” he said softly as soon as the person at the other end picked up.

“Dean, is everything alright?”

“Yeah. Sam left me a voicemail. I don’t know where he is, but he sounded okay. So that’s that, I guess.”

Castiel breathed a sigh of relief. “I would’ve come, if I could. To you, I mean.”

“Yeah, I know.” Dean smiled. “I miss you too, by the way.”

“Oh, is that so,”

The conversation turned into effortless banter, as they teased back and forth and the mood seemed to lift a little, and all else was forgotten. A short while later, the intervals between each reply grew longer, as their eyelids became heavy with sleep, and soon they fell asleep and there was silence on the line throughout the night.

 


	15. Chapter 15

****

It had been a week and Sam wasn’t back at the bunker yet. He’d needed more time than he thought he would to get his head around what had happened, think about things over, and decide what exactly it was he was feeling. He’d driven all the way to the cabin where they used to hide when the Leviathans were taking over the world, and stayed there for a few days, enjoying the solitude.

It was surprising to him that he wasn’t feeling angry. He’d tried, but it was as if the emotion was now foreign to him. And not just about Dean – at himself too. All that rage that was always boiling inside him, all the wrath and hatred, everything that made him evil, malicious, hateful, all that was gone. For the first time in a long time, he didn’t hate himself, or feel that he was a freak, and maybe, actually, had forgiven himself for all the bad things he’d done – all the times he’d let his brother and everyone else down. For the first time in a long time, he was at peace. That’s the only way he could describe it. He wondered what had happened, what it was that had washed it all away, just like that.

It didn’t make sense.

Still, he didn’t want to be around Dean, not yet. Even though he wasn’t angry, he still felt disappointed that Dean had lied to him, had kept so many things secret from him, and it wasn’t just the big lie, it was the little ones as well. Maybe because he’d thought that things were okay between him and Dean now, after what had happened in the church with the trials. Sam wasn’t going to hide, though. All he needed were a few days to himself, and then he’d go back to Kansas.

When he did finally get back to the bunker, he was immediately greeted by Dean, pulling him in for a big hug, almost suffocating him. Dean stared at his brother with worry in his eyes, but soon he was frowning angrily at him.

“Where the hell were you? I’ve been worried sick, Sam!” Dean was shouting, but he couldn’t help himself. “Are you alright?”

Sam sighed, and freed himself from Dean’s grip. He dropped his bag at the table in the main room and looked at his brother for a long moment, without saying anything. He didn’t think that Dean had any right to have a go at him; Sam was the one who’d been wronged.

“I’m fine, okay? Don’t freak out. I just needed a little vacation.” He made his way to the kitchen as he spoke, conveniently avoiding eye contact. He hadn’t yet decided whether he was going to tell Dean that he knew everything. “If you’re allowed to take off whenever you want, so am I.”

“Sammy,” Dean sighed, now showing his concern rather than his anger. “You’re hurt, okay? You’re not well, Sam. You didn’t think I’d be worried?”

Sam faced Dean again, and now he was smiling. “I’m okay. I mean, really. Completely okay.” He smiled broadly, enjoying a little too much the fact that Dean had no idea what he meant. “You don’t have to worry about me. I think…I’ve recovered now. You might say I’ve been healed.”

Dean felt sick at the stomach at the words he was hearing. He pulled a bewildered face, then frowned at Sam, then his face changed to the one he’d pull when he was bullshitting his way out of something. “What’re you on about,” he blurted out quickly.

“What?” Sam smiled. “Nothing. I’m just saying, I’m okay.” He walked past Dean and headed to his room. “I need a nap though. Driving is tiring.”

“Yeah, tell me about it.” Dean muttered under his breath, utterly puzzled by Sam’s behaviour. He decided not to push it though, and just see how things would go from then.

The next morning he found Sam in a little corner of the library, a literature book in his hand and a cup of hot tea next to him. He stood and studied his brother from a distance, thinking, wondering, _what the hell is going on._ He approached him, asked him how he was, and Sam just shrugged in response. “I’m good.” He said, smiling, with a blissful expression on his face. Dean nodded slowly, still thinking that something was up, yet he couldn’t place his finger on it.

“Any news on the tablet?”

“I haven’t bothered with it to be honest.”

Dean nodded again, staring intently at his brother, then turned on his heel and left the room.

Sam hadn’t yet decided how to tell Dean what had happened. He wasn’t going to keep it a secret; that he was sure of. It wouldn’t be fair if he did. Still, he thought how odd it would be if he just went, _Hey Dean, by the way, I run into Gabriel who is alive apparently, and he sort of killed the angel that was secretly possessing me, and then he healed me, so I’m okay now and everything’s good._

Sam wasn’t even sure if he should mention anything about Gabriel at all, since he was laying low and hiding from the angels. The rest of the day he didn’t see Dean at all, and only after having gone out for a supply run and come back did he decide to finally talk to him. He walked to Dean’s room and knocked on the door slightly before walking in to find him on his bed, with Sam’s laptop in his lap.

“Uh, hey, Dean, can I talk to you for a second?”

Dean slammed it shut immediately and coughed loudly to cover up the sound coming from the laptop as it slowly died out – it had been fairly obvious, though, judging from the sound of a man grunting and another voice moaning loudly, what exactly he had been doing.

Dean cleared his throat, blushing slightly, but he kept a straight face and looked at his brother with a serious eyes. “Yeah, what’s up?”

Sam stood at the door, eyes squinting, a frown fixed on his brow, thinking to himself that Dean looked absolutely embarrassed even if he pretended he wasn’t. And he’d never been embarrassed about watching porn, nor had he ever tried to hide the fact, even. Then Sam’s face changed into one of horror and he hurried out of the room, as it finally clicked in his mind what exactly was going on.

Dean found him in the library again a few minutes later. He shifted on his feet, rubbed his neck awkwardly, a sheepish smile on his lips. “Heh, I, um – I got curious?”

Sam waved his hand, dismissing the subject entirely. “Seriously, sit down, I’ve got something to tell you.”

Dean took a sit opposite him, now worrying. He didn’t say anything, waiting for Sam to go on. After a long period of silence, Sam finally spoke up.

“I know about Ezekiel.” He cleared his throat. “I found out.”

“Sam…”

“It’s okay, I’m not mad. I should be, but I’m not.” Sam paused again. “He’s not here anymore. He’s, uh, dead.”

Dean jumped up with a startle. “Jesus Christ, what happened? What do you mean he’s dead, how did-?” He rushed over to his brother, and grabbed his face, examining him. “Are you okay?”

“Dean,” Sam sighed impatiently as he removed his brother’s hands from his face. “I’m fine, okay? Quit worrying. I’ve recovered.”

A smirk grew on his lips as Dean looked at him with confused eyes, worrying, wondering. Sam didn’t hold anything back, though. He told Dean everything that had happened, or at least how the story had been told to him after he’d woken up from unconsciousness. By the end, Dean was staring at him with a dumbfounded expression on his face, mouth hanging slightly open, eyes wide in surprise, as if he wasn’t completely understanding what he’d just heard.

“So, wait a second – Gabriel’s alive? And he healed you?”

Sam nodded in response.

“And he killed Zeke why exactly?”

Sam now glared at him. “That’s who Zeke was.” He got up, shaking his head. “Dean…you could have told me the truth.”

Dean looked away, feeling guilty again. He wasn’t sure he could explain or even excuse himself. At the time he’d made the decision to trust Ezekiel, Sam was dying, everything was going to shit, and he wasn’t thinking clearly, not completely. It may not have been the best decision, but he didn’t have any other options.

“I’m sorry.” He muttered quietly under his breath. “You were dying, Sammy, I couldn’t-”

“I get it.” Sam interrupted him. “I just wish you hadn’t lied to me.”

Dean nodded, still avoiding eye contact, and that concluded the conversation. Sam hadn’t mentioned it, but he still wanted some time off – he wasn’t entirely sure he’d want to get back on the road with Dean again and work with him on another case. Not that any had come up, but he wanted to stay in the bunker, and work on getting the angels off the face of the Earth and back to Heaven.

In the next few days, though, it became obvious, that something had changed, and the brothers barely talked. Sam kept his distance, and Dean respected his brother’s decision, and just stood back, giving him the time and space he needed. Eventually Dean found the courage to ask Sam how he was feeling, and whether it’d be alright if he took off again. To his surprise, Sam wasn’t in a bad mood; he never said anything spiteful to Dean, or make him feel any worse than he already did.

Sam smiled warmly at him. “Go, Dean. Go find Cas.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> meh, sorry for the disappointing updates  
> i'll post another one tomorrow, promise it'll be better^^


	16. Chapter 16

 

There wasn’t a doubt in Dean’s mind about what he wanted. He’d known, for quite some time, but then there had been little hints here and there, and he’d shrugged most of them off, denied himself the thoughts, never dared to admit them. If confirmation was what he’d needed, he’d got it last night, or well, in the morning.

He didn’t remember much of the dream, but there was a dark room, a big bed, and Dean was sat at the edge, leaning back on his hands, head thrown back as he struggled with his breathing. His jeans and boxers were down at his ankles, and someone was working their magic in the zone between his legs; gentle touches turned into hard grasps and teasing strokes before the wandering hands made way for a mouth that closed over the head, kissing, licking, still teasing endlessly. Dean looked down and was met with the blue eyes staring intently back at him, and even if it was dark, and he couldn’t remember seeing the face in detail, he’d recognise those eyes in any crowd, but then a name came spilling from his mouth, his voice low and panting, _Cas, Cas, Cas._

Dean had woken with a jolt at that, only to realise his hands were down his pants. Again. He’d cursed under his breath as he’d pulled himself out of bed and headed for the shower; but there he let his guard down and allowed the thoughts and images from flooding his mind again as his hand wandered downwards and aimed to relieve the aching need. As he closed his eyes, he groaned at the image of those blue eyes streamed in his mind.

Now he was on the road heading to Idaho again, and he found it hard to stay focused on the road, even if he knew he would, because he was speeding again, rushing to get there as if they had an appointment and he didn’t want to be late. Truth was, he hadn’t seen Cas in two weeks, not since he’d come back to find Sam gone, and he hadn’t even told him when he’d be going to see him again.

They’d been on the phone the night before, like every night, chatting the night away without a care that they weren’t going to get much sleep if they didn’t hang up. Once again, hesitantly, Dean had asked Cas how he was doing, then directed his question to a more specific point, asking how he was handling the fact that there might not be a way to get him back home.

“You know, Dean,” Cas had said to him, the smile evident in his voice. “When you told me, that night, I was miserable, I have to admit, and I spent a lot of time while you were gone thinking about what I’d done, my mistakes, and feeling regret and…guilt.” There was a long pause before Cas continued. “Then when you came back, I realised, it wasn’t for me that I was feeling that way, it was for my brothers and sisters. I didn’t care about going home.”

Another pause.

This time Dean had spoken up. “What’re you talking about, Cas?”

“And my mistakes, I admit them, and they were terrible. I did some truly horrible things and brought misery wherever I went. When I saw you again, Dean, the thought occurred to me that every single action and decision I have made since I first landed on this Earth, even the mistakes, they have led me to you, and this. Us. Whatever it is that we have between us.” Cas had sighed deeply. “So, no, I don’t want to go home. I want to stay with you, if you’ll have me.”

Dean had been taken aback by the sudden revelations. He’d breathed deeply and felt unable to form a coherent response. All he’d managed to mumble out was, “I fucking miss you, Cas,”

Cas had laughed heartily at that, and told Dean that he missed him too, but didn’t ask him when he’d see him, unlike most times they’d talked on the phone.

Dean had replayed the conversation in his mind, down to every exact word, and wondered whether Cas would like to go back to Kansas with him, and stay with them at the bunker. He’d started a whole new life away from them, away from Dean, especially, and seemed to be doing just fine. Maybe that’s what he needed to do, go his own way, live as a human, and as he’d said, he was being a more successful human than he’d ever been an angel. Although Dean didn’t really believe that; it had been years since their first meeting, and they’d been through so much together since, but Dean had never forgotten the fact that it was Cas who had pulled him out of hell. And no matter how much he’d fucked up, after all that, he still thought of Cas as the angel who saved him, and that for him was enough.

 _I should tell him that,_ he thought to himself, as he finally crossed the familiar border into the state of Idaho. 

 

Cas was in the dressing room of a big men’s clothing store located within an even bigger department store. He’d been wandering around, looking for new clothes as the weather had got colder and he’d felt the need for warmer clothing. The store was busy with people walking around with big carrier bags and lots of little children, as everyone was hurrying to get their Christmas shopping done, as the holiday was fast approaching.

He was trying on a new pair of jeans when his phone burst into life, startling him. He reached down the pocket of his own jeans that were hanging from the hook and answered it immediately without looking at the caller ID – not that it’d be anyone else other than Dean.

“Hey, Cas, where are you? I’m at your motel and-”

Cas interrupted him, grinning widely. “I didn’t know you were coming. I’m in a department store.”

“What’re you doing in a department store?”

“Shopping.” Cas rolled his eyes at Dean’s question. “Just make yourself comfortable and I will be there soon.”

By the time he’d tried on all the clothes he’d taken with him to the dressing room, decided on which he liked better – which was just the jeans he’d tried on last – and gone to the register to pay, he saw Dean wander in the store, looking around to find him.

Cas approached him, a look of wonder on his face which was both surprise at the fact that Dean had got there so fast, and also, that Dean was _there._ After not having seen him for two weeks, all he could think about was rushing to the hunter and leaping at him, covering him in kisses.

“Hello, Dean.”

Dean’s eyes lit up as he came face to face with his angel. “Hey you,” he said as a grin curled his lips.

“I thought you would be at the motel.”

“Yeah, well, I missed ya,”

They stood there grinning like fools, gazing into each other’s eyes. Then Dean snapped out of it and glanced down at the bags in Cas’ hands. “What’ve you got here, then?” he wondered, reaching out to grab one, but Cas stopped him.

“You don’t get to see yet.”

Dean’s mouth curled into a lopsided smile. “Why, what’s in the bag?”

Cas dismissed his question with a wave of his hand, then grabbed him by the arm and dragged him into the next shop he wanted to go. Dean didn’t feel like shopping, especially not in a crowded department store, but he followed Cas anyway.

“I want to get warmer clothes, Dean.” Cas said a little later when Dean asked him once again what he was doing shopping in the store. “If you haven’t noticed, the weather has started to get colder, and I have started to feel cold.”

“I could keep you warm,” Dean murmured close to his ear, coming up behind him as Cas was looking at some sweaters. It had come out spontaneously, he hadn’t been able to stop the words before they’d flown out of his mouth. Still, it sent shivers down Castiel’s spine, and he’d thrown his head back towards Dean, sighing softly. Dean bit down on his lip, thinking how tempted he was to lean down and kiss his neck before he realised that they were in the middle of a shop, and looked around to see that people were giving them odd looks already.

Cas glanced at Dean, thinking of how much he wanted to lean in and kiss him, but the moment had passed, and he focused his attention back to the sweaters. He picked up a dark blue one, and decided it was a soft and would do its job to keep him warm. He glanced over at Dean who had picked up a thick big one with a silly picture of a reindeer on it, and was grinning at him playfully.

Cas walked over to him and took a hold of his hand, dragging him towards the dressing room.

“No, no, no, I’m not wearing that.” Dean tried to protest, but he’d already been pulled in the tiny confined space with Cas.

“Shush.” Cas smiled cheekily as he took of the hunter’s coat, then his denim shirt and didn’t even hesitate before pulling the big ugly sweater of his head and practically forcing him to wear it. “There you go,”

“Cas, are you kidding me,” Dean looked at his reflection in the mirror, and pulled a disgusted face, which made Castiel giggle like a child.

“You’re adorable.” He said, running his hands through Dean’s hair, and unable to resist, pulling him in for a light peck.

Before he knew it, he’d been pushed against the wall with the weight of Dean’s body pressing against his, while their mouths moved together eagerly. Cas wasn’t sure where they were headed, because Dean’s hands had slipped under his shirt and were roaming all over his back, but they were interrupted by a knock at the door, informing them that no more than one person was allowed in each dressing room.

They shared a look, and Dean bit down on his lip, looking at Cas’ ruffled hair, his lush reddened lips, and his long sleeved Henley shirt, and fuck, he looked so _gorgeous._ He leaned in again and kissed his lips softly.

“Come on, let’s go.”

  
  



	17. Chapter 17

 

They hadn’t even made it to the door before their lips had met again and their bodies were pressed together, longing to touch; Dean chuckled quietly as he was the one being pushed against the door now, having Cas’ one hand on his chest while Cas tried to unlock the door with the other, struggling to get the key in the lock.

They stumbled in almost falling over their own feet and the bags dropped on the floor, and the coats were immediately discarded, and not before long, they’d fallen on the bed, still kissing each other hungrily, and hands running wildly, exploring each other’s bodies. Cas buried his face in the curve of Dean’s neck, leaving a trail of kisses that reached a spot right below his ear, which made Dean’s entire body shiver. More than anything Dean was enjoying the warmth and the weight of Castiel’s entire body against him, and was surprised when that was suddenly taken away from him.

Then he saw Castiel walk to the door which they’d left wide open and close it, locking it behind him, as well as shut the curtains. The entire room fell in darkness, and Dean reached over to the bedside lamp, switching it on. When he rolled over again to lie down on his back, Cas was lying down next to him, smiling softly at him.

“Hi.”

Dean blinked at him. “Hi.”

Not a second later, he’d rolled on top of Cas, mouths locking again, hands reaching out, grabbing, and holding on. Castiel’s were wandering, from Dean’s hair, to his neck, down his chest, under his shirt; without thinking about it, Dean sat up, discarding the piece of clothing, then pulled Cas up to remove his hoodie and t-shirt. Dean couldn’t deny how much he loved the touch of Cas’ warm skin against his, he couldn’t even stop himself from moving in rhythm with him as Cas had started grinding against him, his hands still exploring Dean’s body, longing to touch him everywhere. Then they’d landed somewhere a little more private, and it all stopped abruptly.

Dean stood at the foot of the bed now, and he was blushing, trying to say something but stammering, failing to find the words. Cas sat up, and nodded, realising that he’d gone somewhere he shouldn’t have, not yet anyway. He could tell what he’d done wrong, and that it wasn’t something that Dean was comfortable with, as he couldn’t even find a way to express himself.

Cas sat at the foot of the bed, his hands resting on the hunter’s hips, grasping his belt as his mouth left a trail of soft kisses along Dean’s lower abdomen. He paused and looked up at him, and as their eyes met a mischievous grin appeared on Cas’ mouth. “I could stop.”

There was a slight shake of a head and the two bodies fell on the mattress again, becoming tangled in each other, one’s bare skin against the other, and clothing was being removed again. Dean gasped as he felt a finger slip under his waistband and going around his waist and slipping even further until the palm was resting against his right cheek, grabbing it. He grinned as he heard Cas mutter under his breath, “I do appreciate your body, Dean,” as his mouth explored the body he’d been longing for.

Still, Dean was hesitant, cautious, unable to let go and completely relax, which is why with a swift move he’d found himself lying on his back, and Cas took control. It started with tender touches and soft kisses, but it became frantic soon, as greedy hands found what they were looking for, and the move was allowed this time, and reciprocated. Not before long they were panting, breathless, hands wrapped around each other’s cocks, pulling and twisting, stroking, and hips were thrusting forward into each other’s hands. Dean was breaking apart beneath Cas, his free hand grasping, the sheets, the pillows, before they wrapped around Cas’ neck, pulling him closer to meet him with his mouth. He bit a little too hard on Castiel’s bottom lip before pulling apart, throwing his head back as he felt himself nearing towards the edge.

“Dean…” Cas’ deep voice rumbled close to his ear. “ _Dean_ ,”

Hearing that, it sent him over, and Dean swore loudly as he came, splattering all over his stomach. Soon after he felt the full weight of Cas’ body as he collapsed on him, contributing to the sticky mess between them.

“Oh wow,”

Cas rolled off and turned to grin at him. “Indeed. I really enjoyed that.”

Cas lay staring at the ceiling, considering taking a shower, but Dean was already reaching for tissues to clean them up. He stopped Cas when he tried to pull his boxers back, instead removed them completely now, then removed his, and threw them both on the floor to join the rest of their clothes. Then he pulled the covers back and slipped under them, motioning for Castiel to join him, then wrapping an arm around his angel to bring him closer to him.

“Naked cuddling is the best.” He said, pressing a kiss to Cas’ forehead, while pushing back his sweaty hair. Cas chuckled softly, and gladly let himself relax in the comforting embrace.

 

 

They found each other later in the night, bodies that had shifted apart being drawn together again. There was a flicker of a smile, a playful glint in sapphire eyes that had just fluttered open after the mind had gained consciousness. A hand was extended, cupping the cheek of the blue-eyed man, and lips met tentatively in the dark, a sense of exhilaration encompassing them as wordlessly, in the silence, they reached out for what they wanted. For what they’d wanted for so long now. Strong arms enveloped Castiel and pulled him in, closer, until they were both wrapped up in each other, the entirety of their bodies touching each other’s. He sighed into the kiss, with one hand buried in Dean’s hair, and the other on his back, sliding down to his hip, and further, cautiously. There was a shift and Cas found himself under the weight of the body he was quickly growing fond of.

The kiss was interrupted as Dean pulled away, and Cas gazed into the green, smiling eyes, that were staring lovingly into his own. Dean balanced himself on his arms, to take a second to pull away, take a moment to breathe. He was still there, he was aware of the feeling of the touch of their bodies, naked and bare, and legs tangled wonderfully, Cas’ cock hard against his own.

“Dean.” There was a slight hint of a question in Castiel’s voice.

“Shh.”

The gap between them was closed again, mouths locking perfectly, and lips parting to make way for tongues that craved the taste of each other. Once again, hands travelled all over each other’s bodies, touching everything they could reach, but they were gentle now, and familiar. Dean removed his lips from Castiel’s to focus on his jaw, then his neck and collarbone, leaving a trail of soft kisses against Cas’ skin, then biting softly, enjoying the sounds of pleasure whispered in his ear. Cas was impatient, grabbing at Dean’s arms, his back, his ass, pulling him down as he pushed up. A low rumble escaped his mouth as Dean bit a little too hard at the nape of his neck.

“ _Dean,_ ” he groaned the name with a new urgency in his voice.

Eyes met once more, now filled with lust, impatience. A smirk grew on Cas’ lips; he refused to be teased anymore. He reached out and wrapped his hand around Dean’s cock, giving it a long, teasing stroke, then another, and started building a slow rhythm. Then his free hand reached out for the bedside drawer and fumbled around, his eyes still glued to Dean’s face, watching him.

“Cas,” Dean’s voice almost broke as he murmured the name. “ _Dammit,_ _Cas._ ”

As much as he loved the teasing, the build-up, Dean was on the verge of breaking, and he sat up, escaping from Cas’ grip. He watched Cas for a moment, naked, flushed, and then, finally; _ah, fuck it_. His hand reached down, curious, exploring, fingers slick with the liquid Cas had so unexpectedly provided.

There’s a gasp followed by a low groan, and fingers digging into his back, teeth biting into his neck, rough. “You’re teasing again.”

“No, I’m really not.”

Castiel’s eyes opened to meet Dean’s. “Go on then.”

A hand reached out to find the other, intertwining their fingers together, while the other wanders away from where it was, and Cas gasped loudly as Dean finally pushed into him. They fell into a slow rhythm, their bodies grinding against each other, hands roaming all over, feeling all of each other. One grabbed the other’s neck, pulling him down to kiss him, hard. They were breathless, moaning, grunting, and Cas’ hand remained on Dean’s neck, keeping their foreheads pressed together. His eyes were shut, taking it all in, losing himself in everything – the closeness, the intimacy, the overwhelming emotions, and the waves of pleasure as it kept building up. A rough grasp on his ass, a deep, hard thrust, and Cas was gone, completely lost.

Cas threw his head back and arched towards Dean, and Dean swore under his breath. He watched Cas being reduced to a whimpering mess, high-pitched moans escaping his mouth followed by cries of profanities in a language that Dean didn’t understand, but could identify. He pushed in again, slow but rough, hitting the same spot just a few more times. Then Cas’ hand found his again, fingers interlacing, squeezing it, and the words spilled out of his mouth right before he came, spilling over his own stomach. It didn’t take long for Dean to follow, as watching Cas break apart beneath him sent him over the edge, and he couldn’t hold on anymore. Unable to balance himself, he fell on top of Cas, crushing him with the whole of his weight and burying his face in the nape of his neck.  

“Dean.”

“Yeah?”

“Get off me.”

Dean laughed as he rolled off and fell on his back next to Cas, who was grinning madly at him. He reached out and run his fingers through Dean’s hair, then let his hand caress his cheek softly before pulling it away.

“That was pleasant.”

“Pleasant? It was fucking awesome.” Dean grinned back at him as he propped himself onto his elbow, watching a lazy smile play on Cas’ lips. There were no inhibitions now; nothing to hide, nothing to keep to themselves, not after what they’d just done together, and never again from that moment on.

“Hey, Cas…” Dean bit down on his lip, his question trailing off. “Was that…Enochian?”

Cas looked away, blushing. “Yes.” He said quietly, feeling embarrassed. “I’m sorry, that’s the first time that’s happened.”

Dean chuckled as he reached out and pulled him close again to kiss him. What he was feeling, he could only describe as euphoria. He wrapped himself around Cas almost protectively and leaned close to whisper to his ear, “Let’s hope it happens again soon.”

 

 -

 

Early the next morning, Sam was sitting across Charlie at the table in the main room, listening with amusement to her stories about Oz and her adventures with Dorothy. She’d showed up at their door and had knocked insistently until a half-asleep, half-alert Sam had opened the door, a knife and a gun in his jean’s back pockets. He’d been surprised to see her there, but Charlie had looked excited, happy to be back. She’d given him a big hug and then followed him into the main room and started chattering away, while Sam made coffee for them both.

“So…I was wondering if I could stay here, with you guys.” Charlie looked sheepish. “Until I figure out where I’m headed next?”

“Of course.” Sam smiled warmly at her. “You’re always welcome here, Charlie.”

“I won’t overstay my welcome, I promise.” She said and then looked around, as if suddenly noticing how empty the bunker was. “Where is your brother anyway?”

“Idaho.”

Charlie looked at him expectantly, wondering if there was something she’d missed, as Sam smirked cheekily. He didn’t explain further though, and a beep on his phone interrupted the silence, followed by a second beep.

“Speak of the devil.” Sam picked up the phone, dialling to listen to the voicemails. He listened silently as Dean’s voice rang through.

‘Hey, Sammy, uh, I’m just calling to let you know that I won’t be back for another week. At the very least. So don’t worry. Yeah…’ the voice had trailed off and the voicemail ended abruptly. Sam frowned for a second, then the next voicemail played. ‘Oh yeah by the way I’m bringing Cas with me okay bye see you then.’ Dean’s voice blurted out the entire sentence all at once and the voicemail ended again.

Sam shook his head, grinning, as he set his phone down. He looked up to see Charlie looking at him with questioning eyes.

“Dude, what was that? What am I missing here?”

“Well, that was…Dean. Calling from Idaho.”

Charlie was still looking confused. “And? What does that mean?”

Sam was still grinning, definitely enjoying himself.

“It means that Dean and Cas hooked up.”

Charlie gasped. “Dude!” she shot him an angry glare. “Spoilers!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> really really nervous about this chapter, first time writing proper smut!  
> any comments/criticism would be much appreciated! ^^


	18. Chapter 18

“Come home with me.”

“Dean…”

“Cas…listen to me, okay?” Dean pleaded with him.

Castiel sighed.

“There is nothing that I want more than to have you come back with me to the bunker, and stay with me. That’s all I wanted in the first place, I promise you. I don’t know how things happened this way, and I definitely didn’t think you’d be living miles away and I’d be driving to see you every other week, but, God, it’s been so good.”

A small smile played on Dean’s lips, and Cas watched him, not interrupting.

“These past few months, I can’t even describe it, the time we spent together, well, it’s been amazing. It’s been like…like diving into an endless pool of pie.”

Cas laughed out loud at this.

“I mean it, I do.” Dean was grinning too. “It’s been so good…and sweet. So sweet. You know me, I can never get enough of pie. There’s just no satisfying my hunger.” Dean shook his head, chuckling to himself, and pulled Cas close to him, wrapping him in his embrace. “I guess what I’m trying to say is…I like this pie. I really do.”

“I like the pie too.” Cas smiled again. “And I hate the goodbyes, I have to admit.”

“I hate them too, I really do. Do you know how many times I almost turned around to come get you after I’d left?” His voice was low now, almost whispering. He paused for a second, then leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on Castiel’s lips. “I hate the goodbyes. They’re terrible, they’re so bitter. I don’t want that anymore. It’s been fun, and it was worth it, every time I drove up here. But…” Dean trailed off, unsure of how to finish his thought.

Cas spoke up instead. “So, you’re saying you want to take the pie home with you.” he spoke, a teasing smile growing on his lips.

“Oh yeah. I’d really like that. I want to wake up in the morning and know that the pie was next to me.” A blush crept onto Dean’s cheeks, and Cas smiled warmly at him, extending his hand to softly cup his cheek. And Dean leaned against the touch, never quite getting enough.

Cas leaned forward, kissing him again, slowly. He broke away, and placed both hands on either side of Dean’s face. “Okay. But I’d like you to know, you owe me a lot of explanations.”

“I know, Cas, I know.” Dean breathed. “I promise you, I will tell you everything, and I will explain everything, okay? Not now, I don’t want to think about all that now. Later. But soon. I promise.”

Cas nodded, still thinking about whether to accept the offer or not; it was tempting, but he wanted to be careful. He fiddled with the collar on Dean’s shirt as the thoughts jumped around in his mind, unsettling everything in there.

“Hey, we don’t have to leave yet. We’ve got this room for a few more days, right?”

Cas caught the playful glint in Dean’s eye, and smiled wide at him, immediately catching Dean’s hint, and agreeing that it was a good idea. His lips crashed onto Dean’s, who stumbled a few steps backwards and found himself falling on the mattress, and Cas on top of him.

 

A week later, as promised, the main door to the bunker opened and Dean walked in, leaving the door open for Cas. He wandered into the main room, then the library, calling out to Sam to let him know he was there.

“In here!” Sam’s loud voice was heard across the bunker, and Dean followed the source to find himself standing right outside a previously unused room. What he saw was a big comfortable couch, Sam, Charlie, and Kevin sitting across a big-screen TV, empty bowls of popcorn and bottles of beer around the room, and a big stack of DVDs against the wall.

“What the hell is going on here, I was only gone for a week.” he mumbled to himself, not quite sure he was seeing right.

“Dean, you’re back!” Charlie jumped up and rushed to give him a hug. “Oh my,” she grinned madly as her eye glimpsed the stranger who was now walking towards them. “You must be Castiel.”

“Hello.”

“It’s so nice to finally meet you.” she extended a hand and Cas shook it, still unsure about what was happening exactly.

Cas glanced at Dean, then back at Charlie, his brows knitted together in confusion.

Charlie looked like she was about to burst with excitement. “Are you going to be staying here with us, then?”

“Y-yes.” Cas looked at Dean again, now looking worried.

“Alright, since when are _you_ staying here with us anyway?” Dean addressed his question to Charlie, but she ignored him.

“Charlie, come quick, my favourite part’s coming up!” Kevin called out to the redhead who glanced at the screen for a moment to check what scene was coming up, as _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows_ kept playing.

 “You should join us!” Charlie suggested enthusiastically as she grabbed Cas by the arm and guided him towards the sofa.

“Uh…”

“Alright, Cas, come on.” Dean beckoned for Cas to follow him as he walked out of the room.

Cas apologised briefly to Charlie and the rest, before following Dean, who was ready and excited to show Cas around. Dean was so happy to help Cas settle in. Though he’d been in the bunker before, and knew where everything would be, Dean still acted as a guide and showed him all the rooms; the kitchen, the library and then Cas’ own bedroom, which he’d chosen for Cas, for whenever he’d come back to live with them permanently. At that point, Cas looked puzzled and thoughtful, but all he said was how he felt he needed to take a shower. Dean grabbed a few clean towels and led him through the hallway, showing him where the bathroom was.

“Thank you, Dean.” Cas grabbed the towels from Dean’s hands, intentionally grazing his fingers for a brief second. When he was asked if he had everything he needed, instead of answering he gave Dean a knowing look; eyes shining, a cheeky smile, inviting him.

“Cas…”

“What?” Cas’ eyebrows shot up as he tried to act innocent.

Dean was shaking his head; it was hard to resist the temptation, especially after having shared so many showers with Cas in the past week. Knowing how it would be, all naked, wet skin, all the touching, the hot water and the steam making him dizzy, Dean was so ready to get rid of his clothes in an instant and jump in there with him. Still, he wanted to be careful.

All he did was walk closer to Castiel and leave a soft peck on his lips. “Another time.”

As Dean walked out of the room and closed the door behind him, it finally clicked in Castiel’s mind that Dean had kept the developments in their relationship a secret from anyone else. It didn’t surprise him. In fact, he was sort of expecting it from Dean. Cas felt a little disappointed, though, as he’d seen Dean change so much and open up so much more over the last few months. He’d come to know all the little things about Dean, things he didn’t know before, things he was sure Dean had only told him and no one else, things he’d noticed about Dean by observing him.

Still, when he finished his long shower and walked into his appointed bedroom, he came across Dean lying in his bed with a magazine in his hands, and it made him smile.

“Were you waiting for me?”

“The others are still having their Harry Potter marathon, so.”

“Well, if you were bored, you knew where you could find me.” Cas shot Dean a very deliberate look, but there wasn’t any spite in his voice; in fact, he was smirking at Dean.

Dean rolled his eyes playfully. “Shut up.”

Not before long, they were curled up in bed together, facing each other in the dark room; as if they’d have it any other way. Cas was in his pyjamas, while Dean was fully clothed. For once they were completely silent, no words being exchanged, and Cas found the comfort he needed in Dean’s arms. He felt the entire day’s exhaustion all at once suddenly, and soon he’d been lulled to sleep by the easy silence and the warmth of Dean’s body wrapped around him. When Dean realised that Cas had fallen asleep, he shifted slowly, careful not to awake him, and got to his feet. He watched the former angel for a second and covered him with the blanket well, but as soon as he took his first step towards the door, he felt a hand grabbing his, stopping him.

“Stay.” Cas whispered, having woken up only enough to feel that Dean was no longer next to him.

Hesitantly, Dean nodded, agreeing to Cas’ request.

By early morning, Dean was gone.


	19. Chapter 19

 

Dean found him late the next morning.

It was almost noon, and everyone was awake, making a mess in the kitchen as they looked for anything that could be considered to be breakfast. They were out of cereal, pancake mix, bread – everything.

“It’s your turn.” Sam said as he sat back popping leftover popcorn in his mouth. “Come on, go get us something to eat.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Fine, what do you guys want?”

They started talking at the same time, naming a long list of grocery items Dean was sure he would never remember. He walked to Charlie and gave her a pen and a notepad, asking her to make a list for him to take on the supply run. Then he walked to Castiel’s room, noticing how he hadn’t joined them in the kitchen.

“Hey, Cas…” his voice trailed off as he opened the door to the bedroom and walked inside.

Cas was awake and dressed, sitting at his bed, staring down at his hands. Dean glanced down to see he was holding something that was emitting a white glow. His mouth dropped as he realised.

“Is that…?”

Cas nodded, glancing up at the hunter briefly before returning his eyes to the small vial in his hands. It seemed so strange to him, that the entirety of his grace could be contained in such small space.

“How – where did you get that?”

Castiel shrugged now, and motioned for Dean to take a seat next to him, and Dean did just that.

“Sam gave it to me this morning.” Castiel spoke in a quiet voice.

“And it’s – it’s your grace? Your own?”

“Yes.” Cas smiled weakly. “I can feel it.”

Another long moment of silence passed between them as Dean tried to wrap his head around what was happening. He was looking at the small vial with a dumbfounded expression on his face. “How did Sam get his hands on that?” Dean’s tone was questioning, curious.

Another shrug. “He wouldn’t tell. I asked him a few times, but he seemed to be very secretive about it. So I didn’t investigate any further.”

Dean stared, wide-eyed.

Silence.

Cas sighed heavily.

“Hey, man, it’s great, right? You got your mojo back.” Dean tried to sound cheerful, he even gave Cas a small slap on the back, but he was sure he’d failed. “You can get your powers back. Your wings. Everything.”

Castiel turned his head slowly and squinted his eyes at Dean curiously; he could see right through him. The expression on Castiel’s face was unreadable, dark, and mysterious. He looked so much like the full-power angel version of himself that Dean wondered for a second if he’d actually swallowed the grace already. Then suddenly a smile appeared on his lips, and his head hang down, shaking slowly.

“You still baffle me, Dean Winchester.” He said as he finally placed the vial on his bedside table and got up.

Dean was staring at him with a puzzled expression on his face. “What?”

“I kept my distance, just like you asked, and you kept returning to me, again and again. Then you brought me back here, and told me you want me to stay here with you.” Cas said, his tone light and his eyes shining happily. “And now you’re telling me I should leave? Again?”

“No, that’s-”

“That’s…as you like to say, bullshit.”

Dean looked curiously at him, wondering what exactly was going on in Castiel’s mind. He opened his mouth a few times to say something, but no sound came out.

“Dean,” Cas grabbed him by his hands and pulled him up to his feet so they were standing opposite each other. “I’ve made my choice. I need you to make yours.”

“Cas, come on-” Dean was interrupted yet again before he could complete his sentence.

“Dean.” Cas cupped Dean’s cheeks with his hands. “Tell me. And be honest with me for once, okay? Tell me what you really want from me.”

Dean’s expression softened as he felt himself getting lost in the blue eyes he’d come to love. It took him a long moment until everything started to make sense, and he realised what Cas was really telling him. He leaned forward to capture Cas’ lips with his own in a slow, tantalising kiss, full of silent promises; no more lies, no more secrets, no more hiding.

The kiss broke and blue met green again. Dean looked nervous, afraid; hesitant to actually say what was on his mind. After a long moment, he drew in a deep breath and uttered the word.

“Stay.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks everyone for your comments, you've all made writing this much more fun that it would have been. :) xx
> 
> i posted a sequel-type thing, which is just a collection of dean/cas one-shot stories from the bunker, picks up right after this story ends.   
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/1081458  
> please check it out? :)  
> <3


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